A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates
by F8WUZL8
Summary: What do you get when you cross a few fans, 8 characters, and reality? Insanity. Join Leah, Julie, and Sam as they try to help these crazy people survive Starbucks, Windex, Jealous Boyfriends, and each other. No deliberate Mary-sues.
1. Prologue

**Thank you to my faithful reviewers from all of my stories. Even the one on hold.**

**Also, thanks to my CoWriter, my sister. She doesn't have an account, but that might change.**

**Thanks to my best friend on Fanfic, Bekeyboo**

**And here comes the semi-serious story of what happens when you find 8 fictional characters in your bathroom.**

**I present to you:**

**A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates**

Prologue

_Leah_

"And bring me that horizon." I said, smiling too wide for my face and too happily for any normal smile to compare. It's one of those things that you just can't help. Sue me.

"Dun na na na, dun na na na na." Julie grinned too. She was lying on the couch next to me, her head to my head, as we held back our laughter. Friends are great, except when your trying not to laugh. She grinned and then I grinned and then she giggled through her teeth and I laughed under my breath and we almost burst out laughing. Luckily we didn't, or it would of ruined Sam's line.

"And really bad eggs," Sam was sitting in a beanbag chair placed directly under me and Julie's heads. She was beaming, but doing a better job of holding back laughter than us. Why do these lines have to be so slow? I can't take it anymore!

"DRINK UP ME HEARTIES, YO HO!" And as Jack snapped close the compass on the screen, all three of us burst out laughing. I don't know why we find the last line of Curse of the Black Pearl so funny, but when you've seen the movie 18 times (and counting), you can't help but find a lot of not-so-funny things funny. Fact of life. Really.

You might ask why I have seen this movie so many times. No, it's not because I have no life (although that might have something to do with it.). There are two reasons. One, It is absolutely the best movie ever made, no questions asked. Two, I write Pirate fanfiction. Anyone reading this now knows that if you write, you have to read, or in this case; watch.

Me and Julie fell to the floor, and practically on top of Sam, we were laughing so hard. Sam managed to speak, "Best. Movie. EVER!"

"Now what should we watch?" Julie asked, as she calmed down.

"I don't know, maybe Dead Man's Chest." I said.

"Nah, I don't really like that last scene, where their actually fighting over the Dead Man's Chest."

"Must've been a smokin chest." Sam laughed.

"They would've had a better time fighting over ME." Said Julie.

I looked at her and shook my head. "No."

Suddenly, I heard Taylor Swift's Love Story. I grabbed my phone, slid it open.  
Where r u? r u with Julie n Sam? It was a text from my mom.  
Yes. I replied, Julie and Sam hovering over me to see what I was writing.  
ill be back soon, hope the deco is almost done.

Ok. I texted, but to Julie and Sam I screamed "Oh My God WE FORGOT!"

Sam and I began racing upstairs when we heard Julie yell "OMG, what did we forget again?"

"Hello? End of school party. NEEDS DECORATIONS!"

Still downstairs, Julie spoke to herself, pretending to scratch a beard as Jack would do. "This job requires man-power…"

(The next hour we spent working our asses off. Luckily we had some help…)

"Sam, go ask Leah if there's a ladder anywhere. I'm the only one who can stick the streamers to the ceiling and I can't do it single handedly." Mark yelled across the family room to Sam.

"Do it yourself! I'm busy if you haven't noticed!" Sam replied angrily, due to the fact that her fingers were stuck in duck tape.

Basically, I was throwing this big party tonight. And every kid who I had the phone number of was invited. So the boys were over, really doing most of the work. There's Jeremy, a withdrawn kid with so many secrets that it was hard to tolerate. Then there Mark, the biggest jerk known to mankind, or at least according to Sam. Those two argue so much it's ridiculous. But it's so damn obvious they're perfect for each other. Finally, there's Brett, Julie's boyfriend, who is the popularity king. The only problem is that he's also the King of Idiocy. Lucky for Julie, that didn't change the fact that he was undeniably gorgeous.

So thanks to these friends of ours, believe it or not, we finished the job. There goes one scary problem.

Now, the party…

**There you have it, the prologue. Please Review. The first chapter will be up very soon.**


	2. Chapter 1

**For all you pirate lovers out there, check out my fav webshow, www. thehillywoodshow .com (without the space)**

**Here's the long awaited (not really) Chapter 1!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 1: The Party

_Leah_

The night began. My mom returned home with food and party necessities. A bowl and ladle for punch, punch, a bowl and scooper for popcorn, popcorn, a platter for those little mini hot dogs, and, you guessed it, little mini hot dogs!

First to arrive Melissa Thurn with her pack of wanna-be kids. She is the most popular kid in school, along with being powerful. Even some teachers obey to her mighty jerkiness. And don't tell anyone, but she once dated Brett.

Then came part of the football team along with most of the cheerleading squad. Some were dating each other, others came to just party. The problem with having a bunch of tall, muscled teenagers come to a party is that when they pass by the food table, an entire platter of little hot dogs follows them.

Everyone else showed up within a half hour or so

When every one was here the music went on. Jeremy, the tech wiz of our little gang, had wired my iPod to the TV, and I set my playlist on shuffle. We had cleared all of the furniture out of the family room, and dimmed the recess lights so everyone danced to a faint glow. I saw Julie dancing with Brett, and a small circle of people had spread out around them, watching them. Julie was leading, of course, because everyone knew about the ten years of dance school she had under her belt, and Brett was struggling to keep up with her fancy footwork.

All was going well, until I realized I couldn't find Sam anywhere.  
"Sam?" I called out, but I couldn't hear myself think over the music. "SAM!" Still no answer. I tried looking for Julie. "Julie!"

Mark came up to me. "I think she went upstairs looking for Sam."

"Thanks!" I called back, thoroughly worried about my two best friends, and ran upstairs.  
I checked most of the rooms in the top floor before Sam jumped out into the hallway from my room. "Leah, get in here! Major problem!"

"What?" I chuckled, "Is the toilet clogged?"

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into my room.

My room is awesome. Maybe childish, but definitely awesome. The walls are Purple, and absolutely covered in posters. Most of them were Pirates of the Caribbean, if course. Connecting to my room is my own bathroom. The door was shut, and in front of it stood two panic stricken friends of mine.

"What's wrong, guys?" I asked Julie and Sam.

"Um…" Julie looked over to Sam questioningly.

Sam took a deep breath. "If there's not a logical explanation for why eight fictional characters are knocked out in your bathroom, then that would be it.

I stared at them, blankly. "Now tell me the truth."

"If you don't believe that there is none," Julie added in.

"Then show me," I said, still not believing them.

Hesitantly, they opened the door before me.

Inside, I saw all the people I knew I would never meet. In my bathroom.

Commodore Norrington was sprawled out on the floor, Gibbs on top of him, Anamaria on top of Gibbs, Jack the Undead Monkey on the top of the tower of bodies. Captain Jack Sparrow had an arm on the, luckily closed, toilet seat. Will was sprawled, face down, between the tower of people and the wall.

I shut the door immediately and screamed. Sam, when she unplugged her ears, yelled at me.

"Johnny Depp is IN YOUR BATHROOM! _What are you doing screaming_?"

"Forget about Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom is in my bathroom! WHAT DO I DO?"

Julie casually bit into her mini hotdog. "Well, he's still knocked out… he'd never know…"

I promptly smacked her across the face. "Ow! Not sure I deserved that!" She said in a spot on Jack Sparrow voice. I couldn't help but grin.

_Puh-Puh-Puh-Pokerface-Puh-Puh-Pokerface... _Music continued to pump up from downstairs.

"Pokerface? Well that's one way to do it." Julie said to herself and walked into the bathroom. She poked the nearest pirate in the eye.

_"AUGH!"_

There was a crash, and the scene inside the bathroom changed from 8 peacefully sleeping characters, to 8 characters in pain. You see, Norrington, on the bottom, woke first and shoved everyone off of him, and onto Will and Jack. The Tower came crashing down.

"Huh." Said Julie, "Poor Will. I'll get the party out."

As Julie left, I looked to the groaning people in the bathroom, and then to Sam, asking desperately, "What are we going to do?"

**Like it? Review for Chapter 2!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Here's to Chappie two! I need some rum over at Table five!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 2

Leah

What would you do? I mean, seriously, I was stuck. In a pickle. No way out. Just as you think everything's going just fine, BOOM, reality blows it all up in your face. Or rather, an alternate reality.

"Ugh…" Jack groaned, underneath the pile. Will was still asleep, even though Gibbs fell on top of him.

I decided to take a step forward. "Um… is everyone okay?"

"Not…exactly…"

"Here." Sam stepped forward warily and placed a hand on Anamaria's arm as if to shake her awake, but drew back and gasped.

"What?" I asked her. "What's wrong?"

"They're real!"

I rolled my eyes. "No, duh they're real." I dragged Anamaria's limp body off of Gibbs and into my room, then Gibbs, then Barbossa, then Tia Dalma, so that Jack, Will, and James were free. Will was still knocked out, as were Anamaria, Tia Dalma, Gibbs, and Barbossa. Jack and James stood before me, heads dazed but swords drawn. "Now, children," James began, "I would like you to please explain where we are."

"And why am I not dead?" Jack continued.

You know how Pirates of the Caribbean fans think it would be so awesome to meet anyone from the movie, pirate or not. How most fans would kill to even meet Governor Swann, let alone James Norrington and Jack Sparrow?

Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be, especially when they're threatening you.

See, it goes like this. You scream, waking and scaring the hell out of two skilled swordsmen, they point two shiny, dangerous, razor sharp metal sticks at you that could cut through your skin like butter. Ohmigod, this is so fun? That was the response you were expecting? Think again. Sam and I did what any sane person would do.

Scream and hide under my bed sheets.

I feel so brave.

"Um… Miss? We don't want to harm you." Said Jack. I heard him sheathe his sword, and, most likely reluctantly, Norry did the same.

I looked at Sam, her brown hair frizzed out from moving under the sheets, and my braid had probably come out. I mouthed to her, _What do we do?_

She shrugged.

I couldn't think of anything._ We might as well stop being wimps._ Sam smiled, semi-nervously, at that.

I peeked from under the sheets, Jack looking down at me, one eyebrow raised. Sighing, I jumped out of the bed and brushed myself off, and then Sam jumped out and bumped into me, almost knocking me to the ground. Oh crap.

A warm hand caught mine, and pulled me back up. I looked up, and it was… Norrington.

Whatever. I have bigger problems to worry about.

Sam began to give an explanation to them, "Um, your in Southern Virginia, basically Virginia Beach.

I took a deep breath. "You are in Virginia in the year 2009. Centuries have passed, and you guys are…. Well you're fictional. I would explain everything, but everyone else is knocked out and I'd rather not repeat myself."

"Hold up there." Gibbs said. Apparently he had woken up. He staggered over to us, not quite awake, but certainly surprised. He rubbed his eye. "Fictional? We're not fictional! I'm right here, ain't I?"

"That's the problem." Sam told him.

"Here, let's wake everyone up."

Julie walked into the room. "I got the party out. They were pretty disappointed, but I told them it was because you were having a mystery guy over. Which is half true. It piqued their interest. You're popularity is at an all time high. I CALL WAKING UP THE MONKEY!" She dashed over to the monkey and started to shake him violently while screaming, "BREATHE, Jack. BREATHE! You have a whole life ahead of you! Don't give up on me now! I LOVE you!"

Jack turned to me, "Who is that?"

"That," I said, glancing at Julie, "is a Monkey Murderer."

**Well? Do I get a cookie? REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello again. Welcome to Chappie 3. BTW, I don't own anything. Just in case you haven't noticed. **

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 3

3rd person

Jack awoke to somebody's boot prodding him. "I think he's dead." The voice was familiar, but somehow the owner was not important enough to remember. "Let's celebrate." Oh, now it's familiar. It's someone that wants him dead. The issue here is that so many people want him dead that Captain Jack Sparrow doesn't make a point of remembering them all.

"He's not dead." Ah, a female voice. Well, that canceled out a lot of enemies, mostly pirates who wouldn't be caught near a woman. Bad luck, you know. However, they could be on land… "Welcome back to the realm of the conscious, Jack."

He opened his eyes. Two women gasped and fell to the ground. He grinned, and then looked up. Hovering above him, inches from his face, was the girl trying to wake him. He gasped. Personal space, and all. In a few seconds, Jack spoke. "Nice to be back. Would you, by any chance at all," He was sitting up against the wall, trying to get as much space between him and these strange, invasive people. "happen to be the scroungey gits who took me out in the first place?"

The girl shook her head and stood up. As Jack stood up, quite relieved he wouldn't meet _those_ things anytime soon, he looked around the room. It was bright purple. The ceiling was white… and covered with… him?

He looked at the girl who had woken him, back at the ceiling, mouth opening and closing like a fish, and back at her until he could speak. "Why am I on your ceiling?"

He watched her look up, and heard her mutter, "Damn…" She spoke, "Um, those are posters… sort of like paintings, I guess." She looked unsure of herself, wringing her hands and sneaking glances at Commodore Norrington's sheathed sword.

"Let's wake Barbossa."

"May I?" Jack asked pleasantly. She nodded, eyeing him warily.

"HECTOR!" Jack walked over to his former first mate and sighed. "Never was a light sleeper," He spoke, partly to himself, partly to the people behind him, "but a well placed kick always did the trick…"

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Barbossa screamed, than realized it was Jack who woke him. "Ten years, but nothing's changed about you, Jack."

"Ah, but eleven and a half years, mate. You've been dead for eighteen months."

"Yes, but they brought me back."

"I suppose."

Meanwhile, Norrington was attempting to wake Anamaria. "Um, excuse me miss. Wake up?" He prodded her arm, and the moment he touched it, something fast and hard whacked him in the face, and he jumped away. He looked over at her, and realized that hard thing was her backhand.

"I'm awake, you idiot."

In another area of the room, Leah attempted to wake Will. "Will?" she asked while shaking him. "Will?"

"You can poke and prod him all you want, the boy is _never _going to wake up." It was clearly Jack who was telling her this, he said it the same way he said a line about Poochie in the first movie.

"Well excuse me if I don't know how to _properly _wake him. Why won't he wake up, anyway? Everyone else is just fine." Leah said.

Sam spoke up from behind her, "Well, do you always get back up bright an early every morning?"

Jack pushed Leah aside, looked down at Will, and kicked him in the side. Hard. As in, Leah was surprised she didn't hear a rib crack or something.

"OW!" Will jumped up off the floor, clutching his side and a little dizzy. "What was that for?!"

"For not waking up when Miss…" He turned to Leah, "Apologies, didn't quite catch your name."

"Leah." Leah told Jack.

"When Miss _Leah _told you to."

Will opened his mouth to give a witty comeback, but then closed it when he couldn't think of one. He looked around the room, eyes wide, and settled for a different question. "Where are we?"

"Virginia." Leah said.

"You should fit right in." Jack told Will. Will rolled his eyes. Leah giggled.

"Virginia…" Will said, as if trying the word out. "Is that near Port Royal?"

Both Will and Jack looked to Leah, and, smiling, she shook her head.

"Here." She said, "Let me explain some things."

**REVIEW! And, a poll: What should Jack be doing while Leah explains the ins and outs of our modern world?**

**A: Listening diligently but asking strange questions.**

**B: Barely restraining himself from shooting the highly annoying monkey. **

**C: Not listening whatsoever, because he is completely absorbed with the swivel chair he is seated in.**

**D: Annoying Will and Norrington, who are on his left and right**

**E: Anything else, just give the word.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Jack was awake in the second chapter and asleep in the third and NOBODY TOLD ME?!? Gosh! I'm offended! **

**So I was reading my story (as most writers do) and I came to the end of chapter 2, where Leah spoke to Jack. I then read the next chapter, which is supposed to take place a few seconds after the 2nd, and BOOM! Jack never woke up. So my first thought is: Crap. This is just Craptastic. And then I think, well, nobody flamed me, or even told me, so it must not be a big deal. **

**Jack was awake for Chapter two, but was knocked out by some invisible force (possibly THE force) that erased everybody's memory of him being awake.**

**Now let's move on with our lives.**

**BTW, the reason that I haven't uploaded in awhile is that this is the THIRD TIME I've written this. I'm having trouble with saving. Plus, I have this HUGE project in school, and I've been too busy freaking out about that.**

**Here's Chapter 4.**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 4

Leah

I sat in between my parents on the couch. The news was on. Some guy had robbed a bank, a kitten was saved from a fire, and iPod is working on a new Mp3 phone.

The room was completely clean, a job that I was supposed to do, but apparently my parents had took pity on me. The furniture was in its proper places, and everything seemed neat and tidy. I wonder how long I was freaking out upstairs? The kitchen still had some pizza on the table, probably for my friends and me to eat later. Four large suitcases sat near the front door… _oh yea…_

I must've forgotten in tonight's craze. My parents were leaving for Alaska tomorrow.

You see, summer just started. In fact, it's the first weekend after school ended. I threw the party today, Friday. My parents wanted to go to Alaska for a getaway, and I wasn't invited. I'm sixteen, now. They can go away for as long as they want and not worry about me.

Personally, I had planned on a nice two weeks with the house all to myself, a credit card, and all the pizza bagels money can buy. Obviously that was not the case. My current situation, with 7 people who haven't so much as heard of the word _electricity_ and 1 new pet to take care of wasn't as nice. Until my parents leave, I'll just have to deal.

"So, when are you guys leaving?" I asked my mom.

"Eager, are we?" She smiled. "In about half an hour."

I looked to the clock. It was 1:30. "At two in the morning?!"

My dad smiled. "It'll take us an hour to get to the airport, an hour to get our passes and things checked, and half an hour to wait for the flight. We'll arrive in Alaska at about 1:30 in the afternoon, and half an hour to rent a car, and an hour to drive to the house. We'll be unpacking by 3 o'clock."

"You've got this all planned out, haven't you?" I asked, glancing outside at the now pouring rain. "What about delays?"

My dad frowned.

My mom jumped into her speech. "So, there's pizza for you on the table, the fridge, believe it or not, is still stocked, the wallet is on your nightstand upstairs. Your car keys are with the wallet. Please don't loose them. If you need anything just call. Call me every day. No boys in the house that we don't know. That is, no boys other than Brett, Mark, and Jeremy. Please keep the house clean…"

A little while later, my parents finally left. I stood at the window, waving and smiling as their car left, aching to go upstairs. Finally, they were gone. And I knew that I couldn't go upstairs yet. For obvious reasons. _5…4…3…2…1…_

Their car appeared in the driveway. I could tell that both of them were annoyed with the other.

My mom walked in. "Like your trip?" I asked, playfully.

"We forgot the plane tickets."

* * *

"...so, here goes. You guys are fictional. Do you know what that means?" They all nodded, skeptical. I sighed. "Good."

"So you're telling us that we're not real, that we are only characters in some kind of visual story called a movie. And you don't know why we are here or how we got here. And we are in the future." It was Anamaria.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I'm out of here." She got up and made to walk out the door. Norrington and Barbossa followed. Sam moved in front of the door as if to block them.

"Why can't we pass?"

"She's telling the truth." Sam said.

"Prove it." They said in unison.

I grinned. I'd been waiting for this.

I walked slowly over to them, to Anamaria first. "You are all from a movie. I have seen said movie, and therefore know everything about each of you. Meet Anamaria. Jack stole a boat from you, and managed to sink it. When you finally caught up with him in Tortuga, he told you you would get a better ship, the _Interceptor. _You never actually received the _Interceptor, _did you?" She, flabbergasted, shook her head.

I moved on to Norrington. "Former Commodore James Norrington," The only reason I could tell he was not Commodore was because he looked like some insane drunkard. Which means that these characters were kicked out at some point during Dead Man's Chest most likely, but when? "who managed to make a very romantic marriage proposal, aside from the fact that his possible fiancé tumbled off the ledge they were standing on when he wasn't looking." He glared at me while some of the pirates snickered.

I moved on to Barbossa. "Hector Barbossa, Captain Jack Sparrow's mutinous first mate. He stole a big trunk of gold from Isla de Muerta, failing to realize in his crazy greed that it would curse him and his crew.

The monkey screeched from Barbossa's shoulder. "This is Jack the Monkey. Enough said." The monkey jumped up and down, clapping.

"Mr. Gibbs. Current first mate to Captain Jack Sparrow." I could almost hear Jack smirking in the back of my mind, at the sense of respect I gave his title. I'd get him later. "Likes to tell wild stories, even though their not true."

"Tia Dalma, or as some might call her, Calypso." A few people gasped. Okay, so they definitely didn't pop out from At World's End. They would've all known that by now. Tia glared at me for ruining her cover. "She might seem kind of weird, maybe insane, but she is more powerful than any of you could imagine."

"Will Turner. Went on an insane journey following life and love," He snorted for no apparent reason, or at least that anyone but me, Sam, and Julie could tell. "and it landed him with you lot." I looked to the people in the room. "Now that could be considered bad or good depending on how you look at it." The expression on his face finally backed up my theory. I knew exactly when they were kicked out of the Pirates of the Caribbean universe. Right after the infamous "kiss". Which meant that Jack was supposed to be dead. And Barbossa was back alive. And poor Will would probably be brooding in Tia Dalma's hut if he hadn't been sent here.

"And last but certainly not least, Captain Jack Sparrow." He flashed me his gold teeth. "The mysterious, conniving, idiotic nutbrain who started this whole mess. I know a lot about you. But that doesn't mean they should." He frowned.

I walked back over to the three standing by the door. "Now you can leave this house and leave into the world outside, but mark my words, people will recognize you. And they will swarm you. When people realize you're not actors but you really think you're fictional, they will throw you into an insane asylum. And that will be it. You will never return to fulfill your destinies, and the world you once knew will be gone. Sam, Julie, and I are the only ones who know the truth. Do you really want to risk it?" A look of horror crossed not only their faces, but everyone else's too. I felt kind of guilty. These poor people were lost and confused, the only person they can rely on is either a complete stranger or enemy. It was the least I could do to not terrify them.

They sat down, quite submissively, and Sam and Julie walked over to me.

"How the hell are we going to do this? Keep them secret? Their faces are so recognizable it's not even funny." Sam whispered. Julie, I noticed, kept stealing glances at Jack, thoroughly not believing she was in the same room as Johnny Depp. But he's not Johnny Depp. He's the dangerous Jack Sparrow.

What do I do now?

Then, Jack the Monkey yawned, making an adorable little monkey sound along with it. Julie, seeing the monkey yawn and thoroughly exhausted herself, yawned. The chain continued, until it got back to me. "Okay." I said. " Who wants the beds?"

**So what do you guys think? I'm sorry this took so long, now that we're past the beginning, the chapters shouldn't take as long. I just had this HUGE project this month, and the computer was having big problems with saving, and, well, BLEH!**

**So before I post, how are my reviewers doing? it's been so long!**


	6. Chapter 5

**A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL... even though It's not all that special, Ijust posted it on Halloween.**

**READ AND REVIEW, EVEN MY INVISIBLE READERS!!!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 5

Leah

I lay in my bed, in my room. Julie and Sam had laid out sleeping bags on the floor, and were sleeping soundly. I could tell, because Julie was snoring as loud as a train, and Sam was in such deep sleep that she wasn't trying to kick Julie to make her shut up.

Getting everyone to bed had been quite easy, easier than I expected. But I guessed after my outburst they weren't about to question me. It felt weird, being in control like that. It didn't feel right. It's not me. It wasn't my intention to frighten anyone, but I held people's safety in my hands. My world isn't safe for them.

Anyway, as I said, organizing the roommates had been easy. I lived in a five-bedroom house. There's my parents' room, my room, my father's office (which has a fold-out couch), and two guest bedrooms. So there were four extra bedrooms, and I figured we would put two people in each room. I assigned roommates as logically as I could. Anamaria and Tia Dalma would have my parents room, because I guessed they were the ones who would cause the least damage. It was questionable whether or not they'd get along, but they were the only two girls and therefore could bunk together. Since none of these people were romantically linked to any other person (other than Will and Elizabeth, but Elizabeth wasn't here), I decided it would be best to just make girls bunk with girls and guys bunk with guys.

I gave Barbossa a room to himself, basically. He and his Monkey sort of counted as two people if you wanted things to work out evenly. Besides, I couldn't picture sticking anyone else with him. Ew. I put him in the office.

Norrington and Gibbs would take a guest bedroom. Like Anamaria and Tia Dalma, they weren't the best of friends, but they wouldn't be ripping each other's heads off or anything.

And finally, I figured it best to stick Jack with Will. Not because they were the best of friends, because at this point in time, with Elizabeth loving Jack and leaving Will in the dust, they most certainly weren't. I stuck these two together because I figured it might help their "friendship", if it could even be called that. One minute they were at each other's throats, the next they were saving the other's life. I don't know. It just seemed the most obvious thing to do.

I left them to decide for themselves who would get the bed and who would sleep on the floor. Now, all of that was done, and I was lost in my thoughts, which drifted to what seemed to be the question of the night- _why?_ Why were they kicked out of the series? Why did they end up here? Why tonight? Why were all of the main characters here (except for Anamaria, who really isn't a main character), except for Elizabeth? Why is Elizabeth the only one?

It's not like I had anything against Elizabeth's absence. Nobody really likes her all that much. She is pretty much a Mary Sue. All of the men fall in love with her. So, obviously I don't like her very much.

Is that why she wasn't here right now?

It must be.

…

Anamaria dozed off on the white bed… or at least she pretended to. Her uneven breath gave her away. The question was why wasn't she sleeping?

Tia Dalma sat on a wooden chair, by the window. She was looking out the window into the moonlight. She also glared at the streetlights, which were bright and disrupting her view of the stars. It was very late at night, but still some light shone through the windows of the houses, but it was a queer light. Not the flickering light of a gas-lamp or fireplace, but a constant, bright light that seemed almost unreal. "What a strange world…" She spoke quietly to herself.

Earlier, Anamaria had offered her the bed, she was younger and could stand sleeping on the floor. Tia Dalma shook her head. She didn't intend on sleeping, didn't have to. One of the perks of being a sea goddess trapped in human form was that you weren't entirely confined to the strict resting and dietary habits of mortals. Besides, it was obvious that Anamaria, as a pirate, hadn't seen a real bed in a long time.

So in the dark hours of night, Tia Dalma was awake. She wasn't the only one.

…

Norrington had, with no better word for it, stole the bed. Gibbs slept on the couch in the corner of that guest bedroom. Barbossa had finally figured out how to open the couch, and when he had, slept well enough. The monkey slept on a pillow. The only people awake other than Leah, Tia Dalma, and Anamaria were Jack and Will. That is where the problems in sleeping arrangements lied. There had been one bed, and one sleeping bag (which Jack found while he was searching the closet)(it had taken them about 15 minutes to figure out what it was, and even then, they didn't realize you were supposed to sleep _inside_ it, they figured it was like a mattress.)

"Well… one bed, one mattress, one important person, one… not so important person…" Jack meandered around the room, then looked at Will with a grin, "I think you and I both know who's going to end up sleeping on this here bed." He patted the bed reverently.

"Me." They both said in unison.

"No. Not you, me."

"No, after today, I'm taking the bed."

"But I got to the room first!"

"Well I was born first!"

"But I-"

"Now, Will." Jack interrupted, "I have YEARS more experience at complaining than you. Now you might take the bed, but I am prepared to make your life miserable for… however long we're stuck in this bizarre place." He looked at the walls in disdain.

Will considered his options, grinned, and sat down on the bed. "I'll take my chances."

As Jack lay down on the "mattress", eyebrows knit in frustration, he began plotting. Will flipped the light switch (another thing Jack had discovered while poking and prodding everything unusual in the room.).

It was midnight by the time Jack was finally fed up with trying to sleep. He was extremely tired, but he just couldn't seem to get his eyes closed. And he couldn't get himself drunk enough to pass out, because unfortunately they had poofed here, but the rum hadn't. And there were really weird sounds he was hearing that were kind of freaking him out, and there were strange shadows on the window, and he decided he would see if Will was up.

"…um… Will?" He whispered, "Hey Willie, you awake?"

There was a gasp and some shuffling, but then Will responded, "Um… yea."

Jack sat up, trying to see above the bed without looking suspicious. "Uh… you alright?"

"Yea."

"You sure? If I didn't know any better, I'd think there was someone in that bed with you…" Jack grinned.

Will rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Go back to bed."

"Hey, I wasn't asleep, you were."

"Yes, well, sleep."

"Fine."

Jack finally slept, and Will was too exhausted to stay awake. In the other room, Tia Dalma closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, and Anamaria's breath evened out. And Leah finally couldn't stay awake thinking any longer and slowly drifted off. It was already 5:00 in the morning, but finally, everyone was in their own peaceful oblivion.

The continuous chaos could wait until morning.

**Yea... this really wasn't intended to be a filler, although it sort of seems like it now. I guess I wanted to get a glimpse into the minds of the characters, and I think it turned out pretty good. And for those people who were wondering what was going on with Will, he WAS NOT doing what Jack said, I am not introducing Elizabeth or anybody like that randomly, or pretty much at all. The characters I have introduced so far are pretty much the only characters in this ffic. (and those of you who immediatly thought what Jack said, get your heads out of the gutter.**

**So as you give me your opinion about this chapter, I have a question in the spirit of Halloween... what did you dress up as? I hung out with two of my friends and we had a pretty easy costume, we were a banana split!**

**R&R**

**F8tey**


	7. Chapter 6

**Yea, you know how I said last chapter wasn't a Halloween Special? Well it was. Because i got so many replies in so little time I figured it'd be nice to post a second chappie on Halloween Weekend, so here it is! enjoy!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 6

Leah

… the Prince of Butterscotchland knelt and kissed my fingertips and the dragon flew down from the sky. His parting words were, "Wakie Wakie, Eggs and Bacie!" But his voice was distorted… It wasn't his voice, it was….

"Hey Leah, get your butt out of bed! Brekkie's ready!"

… Sam.

I yawned and stretched, a bit annoyed to be woken from my dream, but very excited to get our day going. Just me and Julie and Sam… and a bunch of pirates.

Oh, right.

The events of the previous day rushed back to me and I gasped, jumping out of bed. I didn't bother to change out of my PJs, I just needed to get downstairs. Who was awake? Were they wrecking the place? Did Julie burn breakfast? I took the stairs two at a time, but the scene in the kitchen surprised me. No one was up except Julie and Sam. Even though it was around 10:00. This surprised me, because our houseguests were pirates. Weren't they supposed to be up really early? I guess it was just a long night.

"Hey sleepy-head! Bad hair day?" Julie laughed. I felt the top of my head, could feel the knots, and sighed.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked. Sam was the only one of us who could cook well, so she was the one scrambling eggs on the stove. Julie can burn water. Unlike Julie, I'm not a horrible cook, I just think Sam enjoys it more.

Sam said, "You know, I really didn't know what to cook! I mean, seriously! What do you cook for a bunch of people who think French Toast is literally toast made by French people? I settled on eggs and toast." A loud _bing _sounded. "And there's the toast!"

I took the toast out of the toaster and set it on a plate. "Will this be enough? There's only, like, five pieces here!"

Sam looked at me, "No, that won't be enough. But this will." She gestured to the counter. There were three other stacks of toast, and enough eggs to feed fifty.

"You're the best." I gave Sam a hug.

"I know." She said, cheerily.

"So, when do you think the rest of them will be down here?" Julie asked.

"When we wake them up, of course." I laughed half-heartedly.

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

"Well, we go upstairs and do it, that's how." Sam said confidently. Julie and I glanced her way. "Don't worry, just knock on each door."

"Who's gonna do it?" I asked, and we all looked to one another.

"NOSE GAME!" Julie called out, her finger on her nose. Sam has fast reflexes, and her finger went instinctively to her nose. I touched my nose with my fingertip, hoping they didn't realize I was last. Julie glared at me.

"Fine, fine." I trudged up the stairs.

* * *

I walked down the hall to my parent's room and banged my fist on the door. "Anamaria? Tia Dalma?" I called out. I then banged on the office door to wake Barbossa, and on the guest bedroom for Gibbs and Norry. Then I banged on the door at the end of the hall to wake Jack and Will. I dashed down the stairs again. Loud scuffling could be heard upstairs now. Everyone was awake.

Barbossa and his monkey walked down the stairs first. His heavy boots made the floor creak, and he was still wearing his hat. The sight of him walking through my kitchen, his dark features against the white and yellow walls, reminded me of just how scary, dangerous, and overall creepy this guy is. It would be bad to forget that.

"So," He said in that weird pirate-y voice of his. "Ye organized yourselves a meal?"

"Um, yea. It's called breakfast." Julie said, awkwardly.

"I know what it's called." He stood by the table.

"Uh, you can sit, you know." Sam said, eyeing the pirate warily.

"It's impolite to sit before the lady."

Oh yea. Total creeper.

Luckily, we were soon joined by Anamaria and Tia Dalma. They stumbled down the stairs, Tia Dalma with her familiar expression of knowingness, Anamaria looking half asleep. They were wearing the same share of clothes as yesterday, just as Barbossa.

Norry walked downstairs next, and he wore the same clothes as before.

And so did Gibbs. We so needed to get these people some real clothes.

But Jack and Will hadn't come down, and that was fine with me. I mean, I wanted to know why they didn't wake up, or at least didn't come down. I just didn't want to be the one to wake them up.

"Well?" Julie asked me, "Aren't you gonna go and get them down here?"

"Fine," I muttered, walking towards the steps.

"Okay. If you want, I'll call Mark, Brett, and Jeremy. We have WAY too much food," Julie called over, scooting her chair back away from the table.

"NO!" Sam and I shouted in unison. Julie sat down immediately, glancing from Sam to me with question in her eyes. The rest of the characters watched us too, munching happily on buttered toast. I rushed down the stairs (I was halfway up when Julie made her remark), and stood in front of Julie and next to Sam.

"You will NOT tell them about this!" Sam yelled.

"They do NOT have to know!" I yelled.

"Well, why not? They'll find out anyway! Won't it be a little weird if a bunch of people are living here while your parents are gone? A bunch of people who look exactly like characters from a movie we've all watched together for who knows how many times? Or will they just not notice?" Julie retorted. "I don't think we can keep this secret for very long, maybe a month or two. But we certainly can't keep it from them!" It was surprising to me that Julie, of all people, had thought more about this problem than either Sam or me.

A few moments passed. Sam looked at me, "She's right."

"I'll call them." Julie said. She then glanced at me, "And you go wake up Jack and Will."

I sighed and trudged up the stairs.

**Thanks for replying to last chappie, be sure to reply to this one! Question for the reviews: If you were Leah, Julie, or Sam, would you have called the guys? Or do you think they're making a mistake?**

**New chapter will be back sooner or later depending on how many reviews I get in the next 24 hours! **

**F8tey**


	8. Chapter 7

**So, How is everyone? It's been about two weeks, and now I've finally posted a chapter. Whew. This chapter is the first "episode" that a fictional character has with the modern world. These hilarious "episodes" will become more frequent as the plot moves along, so if you love Jacks little escapade here, there's a whole lot more funny coming your way!**

**But for now, I present to you...**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 7

3rd POV

_ Bang! Bang! Bang! _It was the sound of fist on wood that woke Jack up, but he was still only half awake. He sat up on the mattress and stretched, but winced as he realized his entire arm was asleep from sleeping on top of it. As he stretched, he heard a few cracks in his limbs that also made him wince. "I am never sleeping on that sad excuse for a mattress ever again." He said quietly to himself.

It was a few minutes of groping around in the darkness before he found what might be a string hanging down from the light on the ceiling, except it was close to the wall. "How did this get over here?" He wondered a loud as he gave the string a sound tug. When he let go, there was a loud bustle of a bunch of pieces of hard wooden material shot up. With the blinds rolled up, bright sunlight streamed through the window. He squinted at the sudden bright light for a few moments before tugging at the string again and bringing the blinds halfway down. Satisfied at the height, he let go of the string and turned away. "Now, where's my hat?"

The bright light from the window streamed down onto exactly the spot where his hat was on the floor. He smiled and picked up his hat and dusted it off. He turned back to the window to give the inanimate object a polite "thank you" for its help in finding his hat, when the bright light once again almost blinded him. Surprised, he dropped his hat.

The blinds were back up, and sunlight once again streamed in. "How did that happen?" He asked aloud. Jack walked over to the blinds and pulled at the string again, putting the blinds halfway down so they wouldn't blind him again. He turned back around to go fetch his dropped hat when he heard the blinds shoot back up. Annoyed, he turned back around, blocking the light with his hand.

"Now, Window," He addressed the window, "Dear, dear, friend Window. It would be ever so kind of you to please," He pulled the blinds back to halfway, "please stay where you are. I really don't want to go nuts about this. Just stay where you are…" He backed away from the blinds slowly, and at first it seemed that they would stay put, when _wham! _ The sunlight lashed at his eyes almost mockingly. He clenched his fists, grit his teeth. "Alright. Now I'm angry." He tugged down the blinds violently and they almost touched the floor, and then he let go, and they shot back up.

"No more nice Jack. I will tear up your bones, Window." He tugged down at them, and again they shot back up. Again and again this happened until finally Jack go the idea in his head that if he held the string of the blinds under his foot, he could grab his hat and put it on with his free hands, then make a run for the door and escape before the blinds were totally up. It was an ingenious plan. He put the string under his foot and grabbed his hat. He put the hat securely on his head, and prepared himself for the dash to the door. He knelt down in a running position, careful not to remove his foot from the string, and counted off in his head, _3…2…1… _

He tried to run for the door, but had failed to realize that the string wasn't a single string, but a loop. When he removed his foot from the front part of the loop, it sprung up with the force of the blinds trying desperately to open, and Jack's foot was caught in the loop. He tripped and fell to the ground with a loud _thump!_ Grumbling, he got himself sitting up and began to try to untangle his foot.

Will had been awoken by the loud thump, and, groggily, tried to see what was going on. As his eyes focused, he saw Jack hunched near the window fiddling with his boot. Silently, Will got out of bed and walked slowly over to Jack. He looked over Jack's shoulder and his head was almost leaning against the window when he said, "Jack… what are you doing?"

Startled, Jack flinched. Unfortunately for Will, it was at that moment that the evil blinds decided to free themselves from Jack's foot. The blinds shot back up, and Will's head was exactly in the wrong place. The hard, wooden blinds shot up with such a force, and Will's head was just in such a place, that the blinds hit him square on the forehead, and knocked him out cold. He fell backwards onto the carpeted floor, unconscious.

Jack looked over his shoulder at the unconscious Will, muttered an almost silent but strangely guiltless "Oops," and turned his attention back to the bigger problem; the sunlight streaming down on him and the evil window that was responsible.

A new plan formed in Jack's mind. There was a big wardrobe-like thing next to the window. If he brought the blinds down low enough, he could tie the string to the leg of the wardrobe and leave to explore the house freely.

Jack tugged the blinds down with all his might, and finally got them down low enough. He tied the string to the leg of the wardrobe, double-knotted it just in case. He straightened his hat, and, pleased with his work (and ignoring unconscious Will), walked out of the room with a proud smile on his face.

It was on his way out that he discovered a door in the hallway that he hadn't noticed before. There was a small button on the door handle. Eager to explore, and utterly curious, he opened the door. He made sure to press the button on the handle outside the door. He would not only find out what the room was, but also what that button was for.

As he closed the door he heard a small click, but chose to ignore it. There was a light switch on the inside and he flipped it. What he saw was something he had never seen before.

It was a small room. Only about three or four feet in both length and width. But there was fabric. Everywhere. There was bright fabric, dark fabric, metallic fabric, textured fabric. Every type you could imagine. Or at least that he could. And the fabric was made into peculiar designs, some of them remotely resembled clothing as he knew it. "I wonder what this room is? I suppose I'll ask one of those little weird girls." He said to himself. He was about to walk out of the strange room, was twisting the door handle when he realized what that little button on the outside of the door was. The door handle wouldn't turn. The little button was a lock. He had locked himself in.

Once again, Jack uttered a quiet, but this time nervous, "Oops."

* * *

Leah

I climbed the stairs as Julie yammered on her cell phone. She was talking to the guys (they were all hanging out at Mark's house), and it was obvious she was telling them as little as possible. "Yea… just get your butts off the couch and get over here… yes… it's an EMERGENCY!... bye!"

At the top of the stairs, I called down to Julie, "Don't you think that's a little misleading?"

"Nah! It'll get them here, at least!" Was her only response.

Now, we weren't yelling to each other over the loud talking in the kitchen. Mostly because there was no loud talking in the kitchen. Sure, everyone knew each other, but they weren't buddy-buddy or anything. At least the dead silence in the kitchen earlier had improved to mumbling. That was a start.

I looked in the rooms as I passed, curious as to what shape they were left in. It was predictable.

Every bed that had housed one of the pirate men were ridiculously messy. The girl's beds were ok.

I was looking into my room for a minute before I heard a moan from the other room. Worried, I dashed into the guest bedroom that Jack and Will were SUPPOSED to be in, but there was only Will, clutching his head and looking around as if he just woke up. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Just peachy." He mumbled as he stood up tentatively, wobbling a little. Had it been anyone else, I probably would have rushed to their side. Instead I stood there awkwardly and stupidly. "Where's Jack?" He asked, after making a sidelong glance at the window. The blinds on the window were tied to the leg of the wardrobe. Weird.

So where was Jack?

Violent banging could be heard from the hallway. "I'm in this bloody closet, you idiots!"

"I guess we have to get Jack to come out of the closet." I grinned.

* * *

The guys bust in at the exact moment Will, Jack, and I reached the bottom of the stairs. Mark was in front, Brett and Jeremy behind him. They were all in weird karate poses. "WHERE'S THE EMERGENCY?"

All fictional characters in the room looked at them as if they were insane. Julie, Sam, and I grinned.

The guys' jaws dropped to the floor. "Oh my God…"

**And that's chapter seven! What did you think? Review! Tell me if you have suggestions for more funnies, expectations for upcoming chapters, loved this chapter, or if you just want the next chappie!**

**-F8tey**


	9. Chapter 8

**Well... I'm offended. Only TWO reviews last chapter? Are you kidding me? You guys are better than this! **

**Here's a chappie, be grateful you got it. I might not be so generous next time. I might even send the evil flying monkeys after you. Who knows?**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 8

Leah

"How the hell did you get the Pirates of the Caribbean actors to come to your house?" Brett hollered. He had run up to me and was screaming in my face. He was the only one of the guys who really liked Pirates of the Caribbean all that much. Jeremy watched it whenever he had nothing better to watch, and Mark only watched it because we forced him to, but Brett, Brett was hooked.

"They're not actors, they're the real thing."

"I find their being actors more believable."

"Well, sorry. They're real."

"Am I dreaming?" He scrutinized everything in the room, trying to decipher whether they were real or not.

"No, you're not."

"Prove it."

I was about to give him a good hard pinch when Julie came behind him and gave him a good smack in the back of the head. "OWW!" He clutched the back of his head angrily.

"Are you dreaming now?" Julie asked, smirking.

"Well, no. But that doesn't prove anything! They're still actors!"

Julie sighed. She walked over to Jack, who was looking rather uncomfortable as she fiddled with his sword belt. "Um, missy? What're you doin?"

She unsheathed the sword and grabbed the undead monkey. I will not give all of the gruesome details of what she did to the poor monkey, but I will have you know he most certainly did not die.

By now, Brett, green in the face and a hand over his mouth, was rushing to the nearest toilet. He did not have the strongest stomach, but he for sure agreed that no actor-monkey could do that kind of trick.

Julie handed Jack the sword, and turned to Sam, Mark, Jeremy, and me. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go help my boyfriend puke his guts out."

She walked away, and the rest of us just stood there dumbfounded. A muffled "It's ok, babe," could be heard at the end of the hall, as well as some really gross sounds.

"So, um…" There was an awkward silence. "Who wants breakfast?"

No one spoke. "_SCREECH" _came from the undead monkey.

* * *

3rd POV

"So, when did you have your freak out?" Mark asked, not looking at her. He said it briskly, business-like. Only the glint in his eyes showed him to be truly curious. Unfortunately, Sam couldn't see that glint. He was looking away.

They were standing a ways off from everybody else. Leah, Jeremy, Brett, and Julie were conversing in low tones in the corner, probably planning on what to do with the characters first, deciding on what was most important. The characters stood around the table, conversing similarly. The only difference was that the real people were still dealing with taking charge, and the characters were dealing with giving it away. The difference was evident on their faces.

Sam and Mark weren't over there because they just didn't end up in that conversation. The conversation had begun with checking if Julie and Brett were okay, and neither Mark nor Sam particularly cared, so when the conversation took a turn to the pirates, they weren't part of it.

"When did I what?" Sam asked, unsure of what Mark had meant.

"When did you, Julie, and Leah freak out? You know, over these characters suddenly appearing in this house?" He asked again, coldly, still not looking at her.

"What does it matter to you?" She asked him, turning to him nd crossing her arms.

"What does it matter to you what it matters to me?"

"What does it matter to you what I matters to me what it matters to you?" Sam asked, her voice rising.

"_What does it matter to you what it matters to me what it matters to you what it matters to me_?"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU WHAT IT MATTERS TO ME WHAT IT MATTERS TO YOU WHAT IT MATTERS TO ME WHAT IT MATTERS TO YOU?"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?" Mark broke the chain and yelled at Sam.

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO ME? IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Sam yelled at Mark.

"OH YEA?"

"YEA!"

"REALLY?"

"REALLY!"

"WELL YOU CAN JUST TAKE YOUR COMEBACKS AND…"

"WELL YOU CAN TAKE THAT SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND…"

"I WOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT YOURSELF IF I WERE YOU…"

"I WON'T HAVE TO WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU…"

"_GUYS!"_

The yelling stopped. The whole room was staring at Mark and Sam's fighting. They were both red in the face and heaving breaths after yelling do loud.

Leah walked over to them. "I think now would not be the best time to start yelling at each other. Maybe you should stop worrying about each other and start worrying about our house guests. While you two were yelling, you interrupted my setting down ground rules."

The pirates had all moved from the kitchen to sitting on random chairs that had been found around the room. They were all chuckling at Sam and Mark's misbehavior.

"Now everyone, that is a perfect example of what _not_ to do. Now I know most of you are pirates and you're manners and moral values might not be as strict as modern society's, but please be decent enough to keep you're tempers!"

Sam gave a "Hmph!" and walked into the kitchen.

"She always eats when she's angry at me." Mark thought to himself, bewildered that he would even know such a thing.

* * *

Jack sat on a round chair.

Now the chair wasn't exactly round. It wasn't even remotely spherical, it had the same basic structure as any normal chair. There was a backing, made of extremely comfortable black cloth, and there was a cushioned seat. The only big difference between this chair and a normal chair was that it had only one leg, that wen't straight down from the seat of the chair and then broke off into five different spokes, each with little wheel-y things on the end. This chair moved on wheels. And if that wasn't genius enough, it turned. Now what he means by turn, it is hard to say. The little spokes at the bottom don't move, but the seat and the back do. It spins around, in a perfect round circle. So, for lack of better words, Jack called the contraption a round chair.

His chair was behind Will's and Norrington's chairs. They had round chairs to, but didn't care. Will sat on the left, Norry on the right. They, unlike him, were at least trying to listen to Leah yammer on about respect, cleanliness, and rules, and a bunch of other stuff that Jack could care less about.

Jack was only trying to amuse himself. He never really meant to cause harm!

_Whoosh! Whoosh! _The round chair spun to the right, around and around. After he kicked off from the floor, Jack began to feel dizzy, so he stopped the chair. He chuckled to himself. "That was fun."

Norrington gave Jack a look that in short meant _"Shut up."_

Jack stuck his tongue out at Norrington, who had turned back to paying attention to Leah.

Jack began spinning the chair in the other direction. As the chair picked up speed, Jack stuck his boot out, hitting the back of Will's chair, which in turn spun around as well. Will glared at Jack and went back to listening.

Jack grinned and scooted his chair forward. He put his hands on the outsides of both Will and Norrington's chairs and pulled them together. Both chairs went spinning. Jack laughed. Leah looked annoyed that he just couldn't listen.

Norrington stood up, Will following, and they both turned around to glare at Jack. "Do you think this is funny, pirate?" Norrington yelled.

"Yes, quite." Jack replied snidely

"Don't you think it's a bit rude?" Will glared at Jack.

"I DO!" Leah yelled from the front of the room, but was ignored.

"All I'm trying to do is give myself a little fun in this dump of a place! I mean, really! Where's the swords? The sea? The RUM?"

Leah walked up behind Will and Norrington, and crossed her arms at Jack.

"I was just annoying you. It was all in the name of entertainment! Is that a crime?"

Leah growled, "It wouldn't make a difference to _you_ if it was."

Jack opened his mouth to give a retort, but all that came out was, "You know, mate, you're probably right on that one…"

Leah glared. "Sit." She commanded Jack. He sat down. Will and the Commodore took their seats in relief.

"Stay. Don't move." She said.

Jack nodded.

"Now, here are the ground rules of my house. Do not go in my room. Do not go outside without telling me, or any of us," She gestured to her friends. "Do not draw sword against each other, don't use guns…ever. Don't eat ANYTHING that does not look like food. Do your business IN THE BATHROOM. No smoking, no excessive drinking, don't play on the furniture. Do NOT answer the phone. Do not take it upon yourselves to fix anything that you don not know how to fix, or isn't broken. And finally, DON'T TOUCH WALDO! Any questions?"

Gibbs asked, "Who's Waldo?"

"The neighborhood raccoon. It has rabies. You touch it, it bites you. And he's almost impossible to catch." Julie answered for Leah. "It all started with the neighborhood pit bull. He had rabies. He bit the neighborhood cat, who in turn bit the neighborhood rat, who bit the neighborhood opossum, who then scurried into the trash and bit the neighborhood raccoon, Waldo. They all ended up foaming at the mouth for a week or two, and then dying. It's a never-ending chain. Who knows? The neighborhood PIRATE might be next?" Julie gave a weird growl for emphasis. The pirates shuddered.

"Oh Julie, stop scaring them. It's _just_ a raccoon." Jeremy stepped forward.

"Wait a minute, there really is a half-dead deranged contagious _rat_ running laps around your house right now?" The commodore asked skeptically.

"Yup."

The commodore yelped in terror.

"Well. I'd like to keep chatting, but I think it might be time to get these pirates some _real_ clothes." Leah said.

"OFF TO THE MALL!!!!"

**So like it? Hate it? I expect at least 4 reviews. If I don't receive that number, who knows what I'll do? I might send WALDO after you!**

**Just kidding. I love my readers.**

**-F8tey**


	10. Chapter 9

**oMg.... I am so lazy...**

**So, um, I made a few references to...um.... The Hillywood Show, Avatar the Abridged Series, Footie Pajamas, SUVs, etc. Five Stars if you can catch them!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 9

3rd POV

"So, you and all of the guys will go and… get guy clothes. Us and the girls'll head and get… well… girl clothes. Kay?" Leah asked Jeremy.

"Sure."

"Wait! Wait a minute. Where does cost fit into all of this?" Sam walked up to them. "Buying new clothes for seven people? It's expensive enough buying clothes for me!"

Leah thought for a moment, and then smiled. "How much do you think people will pay for a really good Jack Sparrow…impersonator… to show up at their child's birthday?"

Sam nodded.

"You can take the guys in your truck-" Leah continued, to Brett.

"It's not a truck!" Brett interrupted. "It's a seven passenger sports car!"

"It's a truck." Leah repeated. "Anyways, it's big enough for all of the guys, including you, Jeremy and Mark, to pile into. Me and the girls will take my car. Let's head to Lynnhaven Mall, and then we can go to Abercrombie or Macy's and you can go to Kohl's or something."

"Or something…" Brett rolled his eyes. He began marching towards the front door, yelling "If you are not a girl, or a fan of cross-dressing, follow me!" And the guys all marched out the front door.

"Okay! Everyone in the garage! We're off to the mall!"

…

"I am _not _putting a _foot_ in that contraption!"

"It's just a car, Jack. It's not some kind of sea monster or anything." Brett said, climbing into the front seat.

The truck was very big. It was tall, it had a square-ish frame, it was shiny black, and the seats were heated. That was really all Brett cared about, so he had chosen this car. Not to mention the third row of seats flattened and he could practically store a bed in it. When he turned the key, his car purred to life.

The pirates jumped back in fear of the awakened beast.

"Ok, seriously. It's not gonna hurt you! It's a _machine!_" Mark cried out. He really wanted to leave, as the girls had left fifteen minutes before.

"Will said machine leave, with me in its belly?" Jack asked, skeptically. He knocked on the metal, experimentally.

"Well… yes."

"Uh-uh. Not going to happen. Being eaten by a monster is not something I would like to experience again." Jack crossed his arms for emphasis.

"Okay, you know what? Fine. It _is _a monster, a very scary… I don't know, Transformer or something. And it is _very _angry, and it'll attack you and the rest of this town with it's fire-breathing powers if you don't get in the car right now." Mark tried to shove them in the car.

"Ooh… will there be rum?"

"Um… yeah, happy rum… From the…uh… happy company. Just get in the truck." Jeremy backed up his friend's story.

Jack looked back at his friends and enemies warily, then grinned. He straightened himself up, as if preparing to make a great sacrifice. The other pirates straightened up to, as if to honor Jack's sacrifice. "Friends, acquaintances, and enemies. If, when, and should we ever return to our wondrous world, let it be known that the first person to sacrifice his safety and enter the possibly deadly machine, for the safety of his friends and allies, was in fact, Captain… Barbossa." And he shoved Barbossa into the car, who didn't have enough time to protest. After discovering that nothing extreme happened, the rest of the pirates piled in.

"To infinity, and beyond." Jeremy said sarcastically as the car finally began to move.

The doors closed and the car sped off into the distance, leaving a very confused monkey locked out of the house and sitting in the driveway. Silence spread, making it all too easy for Jack the Monkey to hear a feral growl from the bushes…

…

"Nah, I don't like it. It's too… teenager." Julie told Tia Dalma as she walked out of the Dressing Room. Tia Dalma was wearing black Hot Topic clothes from head to toe. It… it wasn't working out.

"I can't believe you dragged me into this hellhole. This store is for creepers. Creepers, stalkers," she glanced at the life-size poster of Robert Pattinson, "and vampires." Sam sat mumbling in the corner of Hot Topic. She, obviously, did not like stores with spider webs in the windows.

"I think we should move on to another store. I mean, we can find some more general clothes in Kohls." Leah agreed.

Julie was staring at a Twilight life-size poster of Robert Pattinson to notice anyone. She looked at the poster, then to the sleeping teen cashier, and back again. Grinning, she grabbed a red Sharpie out of her purse, and started drawing. Over the course of three minutes, Pattinson had fangs, horns, a spiked tale, and a pitchfork.

"Okay, I'm ready to go." She proclaimed, walking back over.

"I must admit, Julie, you are quite the artist." Sam smirked.

Leah could only raise an eyebrow and ask, "You carry a red Sharpie in your purse?"

"You never know when you're going to need one!" Julie said, shrugging.

…

Jack came out of the dressing rooms dressed like a gangster.

Gibbs came out of the dressing rooms in a t-shirt and boxers.

Barbossa came out of the dressing rooms in a black leather jacket and sunglasses.

Will came out of the dressing rooms in footie pajamas.

Norrington came out of the dressing rooms dressed in women's clothing.

"Fail! FAIL! EPIC FAIL!" Brett yelled, laughing. "I can't believe you people are WEARING that!" His laughs echoed through the Dressing room, turning a few heads. All of the men in the dressing room were at least chuckling.

Jeremy, realizing the pirates didn't really know any better, glared at Brett. He spoke to the pirates. "Ok, here's the deal. We're going on a treasure hunt. Everyone needs to find clothing that is similar to what… that guy is wearing." He pointed to a mannequin that was wearing a nice t-shirt and jeans. "It can be different colors and styles, but it has to look similar to this guy. Then, we'll head to a shoe store, and we'll also get a few pairs of sunglasses. Go."

And the pirates, after changing back into their weird pirate clothes, went off looking for clothes.

Mark, Brett, and Jeremy sat on one of the benches, then Mark stood up.

"Where are you going?" asked Brett.

Mark rolled his eyes. "To get myself some footie pajamas!" he declared, and he walked off in the general direction of PJs.

**THAT WAS SO LAAAAMMEE**

**Feel free to disagree, tho!**

**Free virtual cookies for reviewers! Coal for flamers! Twilight fans: I love Twilight, but it's so fun to bash. **

**This chapter really made me want footie pajamas...**

**-F8tey**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! I'm back with another chapter of ATGTLWP and it's better than ever!!! I know it seems I've been very slow with updates, but you people better get used to it, because not only am I super lazy, but I also have two fanfictions going on at the SAME TIME. So on the off-chapters for this fanfiction, be sure to check out "Cedric Diggory Didn't Die, he became Edward Cullen"! Also, when I do post chapters for this fanfic, I'm gonna try to make them longer than they used to be. So I'm hoping it will all even out.**

**I'm not going to stall you any longer, here is:**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 10

3rd POV

Melissa Thurn looked up from her table at the food court, her eyes gazing across the area at the respectful and not-so-respectful people eating there. She noted that most of the people near the Chick-fil-a stand were eating chicken, drowned in mustard and ketchup, with their hands. She also watched, disgusted, as one man wiped his red and yellow hands on his once white Abercrombie shirt. She had to turn away, ashamed at the blatant disrespect at such high-standard clothing.

She also saw that the people at the noodle restaurant were not using their fingers to eat, and wiping their hands on napkins. "Let's go there!" she exclaimed to Brittany and Ginger, pointing at the noodle restaurant. They nodded.

As they waited in line in between a gross balding man and a woman with a squealing child, Melissa realized that she hated everything and everyone at the mall, except the shopping element. That was addictive.

"Wow. Who the freak is that?! Ya know, standing next Brett and Julie…"

Melissa looked over to a big group of people, of varying ages, walking into the food court. There was the enemy crowd: Julie, Brett, and their dumbass friends. But there were also other people, and definitely not people that went to their school. Older people, but not parents. They couldn't be relatives, either, because why would they get together as friends when they are with family?

Something else that wasn't quite right; they all were wearing hats and sunglasses.

Of course, at the mall, this wasn't a strange occurrence. Sketchy people are as obvious as trash cans at the mall. Except sketchy people didn't travel in groups, especially not a huge one like this. What was going on?

…

The group had rejoined at the food court for lunch. Leah realized they had succeeded in making everyone look bland and unimportant. She was very pleased. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the pirates.

"I feel naked." Norrington mumbled as he walked around with the group.

Brett gave him a queer look. "You're not naked."

"I'm only wearing undergarments. I feel ridiculous!" He looked around the room at the other people. "Then again, everyone else doesn't seem much better."

"Look, its summer. And in America, that means that men wear shorts and t-shirts and watch women walk around in bikinis. Suck it up." Brett whispered so as to not let Julie hear him.

Meanwhile, Barbossa found people giving him strange looks. The reason? He was trembling with fear as a teenage girl tried to comfort him.

"It's alright. I'm sure he's fine." Julie said, sincerely. "He's probably just…um…waiting for you to come home?"

"But poor Jack is out there… alone… with no one to hold him…"

"He'll be fine."

"HE'S JUST A POOR, DEFENSLESS MONKEY!"

At the same time, Leah was walking around with Sam, deciding on what would make the most sense to eat for lunch. "McDonalds is cheap, but I love Mr. Newdle." She motioned to the noodle restaurant.

"Eww." Sam said while looking at the restaurant.

"What? It's good food! Besides, have you ever even _tried_ their Mac n' Cheese? It's got FIVE cheeses!" Leah said, defensively.

"No, not the food! The costumers!"

"Huh?" Then Leah looked over to the restaurant. There was Melissa, glaring at them. "McNuggets it is, then." Leah said, a little disappointed. "Its alright. We couldn't afford pasta anyway…"

…

They were finally all seated at five tables lined up in a row. Sam was off at the McDonalds stand.

Leah was sitting at the table with everyone, but while everyone else was chatting mindlessly, she was deep in thought. See, Leah was the only fangirl of her group of friends who really focused on the "what ifs". What if Elizabeth chose Jack? What if Captain Barbossa never existed? What if Tia Dalma's crabs were green?

And most importantly: What if these characters could quote other movies they'd been in?

It was a reasonable hypothesis, to think that Captain Jack Sparrow could subconsciously quote Edward Scissorhands or something. So, she decided to try it.

Meanwhile, Sam showed up with the food. She had lots of milkshakes, a few Big Macs, and a TON of chicken McNuggets. As in, enough to feed one person for about a month. Leah looked over to the workers at McDonalds, and she swore she could see one of them wipe a bead of sweat off their forehead, thoroughly exhausted after such a monstrous order.

Sam looked down and gave a sigh of relief as she was able to set down the multiple trays. She had gotten everybody's attention with the food, so she began a quiet speech, so as to not let anyone else hear. "Though one of the most unhealthy restaurants on the planet due to it's extreme use of sodium for preservatives and taste, McDonalds has food that cannot be surpassed. It's the kind of fast-food delicacy that people who want to stay even moderately healthy only splurge on maybe once or twice a year. I want you all to enjoy your first tastes of American fast-food, and eat as much as you could possibly want, but savor it, because there is no way in hell I am buying this junk food ever again. Got it?"

"Aye." The pirates chorused.

Every pirate immediately grabbed a plate of this curious "delicacy", piling up to 20 McNuggets before taking their seats. Leah ended up sitting next to Jack and Will. Perfect, she thought, let the experimenting begin!

Now of course, she was going to start off with something easy, maybe something from Willy Wonka. But when she sat down and took a bite into her chicken nugget, she was saved the trouble.

"What is _that?_" Jack asked, disgusted.

Leah grinned and evil grin as she slowly and quietly sang. "… It's priest. Have a little priest…"

Jack sniffed the nugget and spoke, "Gross… is it really good?"

"Why it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh."

"Umm…why are you singing?" Will asked, confused, but he was ignored as Jack bit into a nugget… and then promptly spit it back out.

"Awful lot of fat…" he spoke again.

"Only where it sat."

Jack grinned, deciding to play into Leah's little weird game. He thought he was making a witty joke when he sang on Leah's tune, "Haven't you got poet…or…" He thought, trying to come up with a rhyme. Bat? No. Cat? Uh-uh. "something like that?" There's the one!

"Well, you see the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest."

Will laughed at the song, while Jack grinned and spoke, "Are you serious?"

"No." Leah grinned.

"Well then what is this stuff made of?" Jack asked.

"Well you know how the good parts of Chicken are the chicken leg and chicken breast?" She asked them. They nodded. "Well, this is basically everything else."

Everyone within earshot erupted in laughter.

Leah decided to put in another trial, since the first had been so successful. "Poor chicken. Most have seen too many winters." She sighed.

Will cut into a piece of chicken, and it practically melted on his plate. "Or too few." He replied.

Leah laughed in delight.

It was when Jack and Will turned competitive that things really got quote-y.

"Ah, Will, two already?" Jack grinned as he swallowed another chicken nugget.

Will thought for a moment. "I'm on seventeen."

"Huh? I won't have a blacksmith out-eating me!" Jack ate another nugget.

Will ate two more. "Nineteen."

"How do you eat so much?"

"Very carefully."

"Ahh…" Jack looked away.

Will shook his head and whispered to Leah, "Four? Nineteen? What's the difference, anyway?" She grinned.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table, Brett and Jeremy were whispering quietly, making glances to Melissa on the other side of the room every once in awhile.

"Dude, this is really bad." Brett muttered, swearing, and doing his best to hide himself.

"Yea, I know. You've got your hot new girlfriend and your hot old girlfriend about to fight over you. I feel your pain." Jeremy mumbled sarcastically.

"Hey! It's not _my_ fault I have unbelievably good looks!"

"Unbelievable, yes. But good..?"

"Oh, quit it! Just tell me what to do! Melissa's super jealous and Julie hates it when Melissa's around me and I don't want to hurt either of them!" Brett, you see, had only recently deserted the popular crowd for Julie. He had been Melissa's boyfriend for… ever, but he never really liked her. She was just a really good kisser. So now, when he really liked Julie but Melissa kept hovering in the background, he truly had absolutely no idea what to do. Also, Jeremy wasn't much help.

Someone poked him on the shoulder. As he turned, he realized it was Barbossa (recovered from his monkey fears). "What do you want?" He asked the pirate captain.

"To offer some lady advice. You love her, correct?" Barbossa motioned to Julie. Brett nodded. "But, you used to love her and she still loves you." He said, motioning to Melissa, who was beginning to walk toward their table. Brett nodded, and gulped at Melissa's evil glint in her eyes. Barbossa thought, then spoke, "My advice? Run."

Brett took this advice to heart and ran as fast as he could towards the bathrooms.

"You know that this will only come back to haunt him. He'll have to face his fears." Tia Dalma said, ominously.

"You're probably right." Jeremy agreed. "That's his problem." He shrugged as he bit into a cheeseburger.

…

Melissa walked over to the table, strutting, a bit. All talking at or around the large group's table quieted, and heads turned to her.

"Hello, Melissa, it's so nice to see you." Leah said coldly as she stood. "Did you enjoy the party last night?"

"Yes, Leah, thanks for inviting me. I was wondering who showed up that was so important that you had to end the party. Who are your friends?" She asked, motioning to the pirates.

"Um… These are family friends from, uh, England. They came as a surprise, and, well, my parents really had to leave so I'm taking care of us." Leah said quickly. Anamaria stood, coming to her rescue.

"It's nice to meet you, Melissa. I'm… er… Maria." They shook hands. "Are you a friend of Leah's?"

"Yes, I like to think that. It's nice to meet you." Melissa said, curtly. She then turned to Leah, "I'm guessing these are the mystery people Julie was talking about when shooing the party away?" Julie frowned at Melissa. "Oh my God, what a let down. Julie left us thinking you had actually scored a boyfriend! Oh well, no difference, really. Anyway, have you seen Brett around? I thought I saw him with you guys."

"Yea, Brett was here, but he left as soon as you and your superficial blondies showed up." Julie hissed, glaring at Melissa.

"He left you guys to find us? Ok, I'll go find him." Melissa said coldly, beginning to walk away.

Jack stood, prepared to defend Julie with a witty comeback. "Actually, he left the mall. He was afraid he would be turned to stone if he looked into your eyes- I must say, you have a striking resemblance to Medusa." Melissa glared daggers into the pirate as he said, "Same hair, really!"

Melissa stepped forward and shoved the laughing pirate back into his seat. Everyone else at the table who had recovered from shock glared at the girl as she said, "Shut up, old man." She turned to Julie, whose jaw was on the floor, and said, "You know, since Leah's party ended so early, maybe you should throw another. Although, I'm sure it won't be as cool as anything I could have created, I see the potential! With such a… _wide range_ of people attending, it could be the party of the year!" Melissa said with false enthusiasm, turning the heads of some teenagers in the mall.

Sam stood up behind Julie, and yelled at Melissa, "You know, Melissa, you can just take your parties and-"

"I'd love to throw a party. It'd be fun." Julie said, interrupting Sam and still glaring at Melissa.

"You don't have to do this, Julie, she's just baiting you…" Sam said quietly to Julie.

"You know, this party needs a theme!" Melissa yelled around to the teenagers now watching the scene.

Shouting of suggestions erupted from around the crowded food court.

"A Masquerade Ball. Everybody wear masks." Julie said quietly, sitting back at the table and biting into a nugget.

"I'll look out for my invitation." Melissa said, smirking, as she walked away back to Brittany and Ginger, leaving the whole crew of pirates and teens dumbfounded.

**And there it is! Why did Julie accept the challenge? Find out (probably) in the next chapter of ATGTLWP!!!**

**Now, other things to worry about: Be sure to check out the British TV show; Merlin (or, if you live around England, i think it's "The Adventures of Merlin")! It's a great TV show with good effects, great, funny characters, hot actors, the whole nine yards! You can scour Youtube to find it, but buying the first season on iTunes is totally worth it. It's a great show. **

**Also, I know it's a little early but I've got to start planning the rest of the "A Teenager's Guide to:" series, so I know where to go with this one. I have a poll up on my profile about this. Be sure to check it out!**

**For the reviews: Can you tell what the quotes in this chapter were from? There were three quotes, from two movies, one of which I haven't even seen, lol.**

**REVIEW!!!**

**-F8WUZL8**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! I'm back with another chapter of ATGTLWP and it's better than ever!!! I know it seems I've been very slow with updates, but you people better get used to it, because not only am I super lazy, but I also have two fanfictions going on at the SAME TIME. So on the off-chapters for this fanfiction, be sure to check out "Cedric Diggory Didn't Die, he became Edward Cullen"! Also, when I do post chapters for this fanfic, I'm gonna try to make them longer than they used to be. So I'm hoping it will even out!**

**Also, I'm going to be posting some oneshots here on in for varying fandoms so who knows? A Pirates one might be headed my way!**

**By the way, the quotes from last chapter were "Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd, and a few Legolas quotes from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.**

**I'm not going to stall you any longer, here is:**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 11

3rd POV

"You didn't have to do this, Julie. Melissa was just baiting you." Leah said as they all entered her house once again. They had pretty much gone straight home after lunch, and everyone, as far as Leah knew, was pretty much silent the whole car ride.

"I know she was, but I figure it's time to teach her a lesson." Julie was looking away, shuffling around the mess of papers in a desk drawer.

Leah spoke, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to throw an amazing masquerade ball. I'm also going to keep her away from my boyfriend- here it is!" Out from the mess of papers she pulled out a small booklet- their school directory. "Hey, Jeremy? I need you to do something tech-y for me!" Julie called out.

Jeremy called out, "Come and help us, first!" He, Brett, and Mark were trying to deal with a bigger problem. They had come home to an empty house… no monkey. And they knew that if there was a monkey somewhere in the neighborhood, Waldo (the rabid raccoon) wouldn't be far behind.

"Okay, Mark, how about you take Norry and Gbbs and search the east side of the neighborhood. Brett take Anamaria and search west. Tia Dalma and Julie go north, I'll take Barbossa and we'll go south. Jack, Will, Sam, and Leah, why don't you guys go search the park. Keep your cells on, and grab a flashlight before you go. It's almost sunset. We need to find this monkey before Animal control or Waldo do."

"Wait a minute," Anamaria protested, "Why are we helping Barbossa? He can find his own damned monkey!"

"Because he'd do the same for you." Jeremy assured.

"That's a lie."

"How about because he was going to help you get to World's End?" Leah supplied her knowledge of the movie.

"… fine…"

Everyone exited the house in search for Jack. As Leah locked the front door, she knew that a nice little search at sunset in the summer heat would be a nice change from the mall and her house.

Julie liked nature as much as the next girl, but when the crickets began chirping and she found a mosquito bite she knew wasn't there before, she could only hope they would find Jack the Monkey as soon as possible. Besides, she had a party to plan.

…

The sun was down, the wind started to pick up, and the swing set creaked ominously.

"Let's split up." Leah said as she began walking towards the trees on one side of the playground. Everyone split up to search the forest behind the playground.

Leah poked around a bush and shined the flashlight into it, but there were only a few acorns piled up inside. It was a dark forest, and for Leah, kind of scary. It was nighttime in the summer, and crickets and cicadas were all she could hear. Shining the beam of light onto a dark patch of leaves, she saw bugs, many, crawl away from the light. She shivered.

Leah looked around rapidly at the sound of a twig snap. She was deep into the forest now, she couldn't see the moon. Something… she heard something to her left. Then her right, something seemed to brush against her. She began backing up slowly, afraid to look away from the forest. Everything seemed to be jumping out at her, now. Large black ants crawling up and down the trees sent shivers up and down her back, and as she walked backwards, she gave up and broke into a run. Anxiety overtook her, _she had to get out of this forest._

Branches seemed to claw at her face as she ran through brambles and leaves. Her foot caught hold of a branch and she almost tripped but she caught her balance. She ran through the trees but they seemed to go on forever. Where was the nice safety of the park? The nice, normal, lighted parking lot? Her breathing picked up as her run changed into a sprint. She saw a light… a streetlamp? She hoped.

No. It was a flashlight.

_Crash!_

Leah and Will fell into a tangled heap. His flashlight fell to the ground, she fell on her ankle awkwardly. After a moment of confusion, Will found himself inches from Leah's face.

Leah struggled for something to say, suddenly blurting out, "I was scared."

He suddenly pushed himself off of her and sat down a good ten inches away from her. "Alright then…" He spoke after regaining his senses. "Are you okay?"

She sat up and pulled a brown leaf out of her hair. "Just fine." She said, sarcastically. "Sorry about that. me and dark scary forests just don't go well. Sorry for running into you like a freight train."

"A what?"

"Never mind." Leah grinned.

Will stood up and offered her a hand. She took his and he pulled her up. "I wasn't really watching where I was going." He admitted.

"Not the best strategy when you're trying to find a foot-tall monkey." They laughed.

Soon the smile seemed to wash away. As if he had suddenly thought of something, Will began walking away. His friendly demeanor seemed to fade away. "Uh… I should try to get back to looking for… uh… Jack?"

Leah was confused. Only a minute ago he had been fine… and then this. What was going on?

"I'll come with you, if that's okay. I don't want a repeat of that anxiety attack." Leah said, carefully avoiding a patch of poison ivy.

"Actually, Leah, I'd kind of rather be alone. Besides, Sam's looking for you." He pointed out the fact that they were at the edge of the forest. Sam was waving around her flashlight, when it found Leah and Will.

"Oh." Leah said, "Ok, are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I _was _okay until _you_ showed up." He mumbled, coldly.

She narrowed her eyebrows and decidedly walked to Sam. And Will, well, he seemed to disappear back into the forest.

Leah felt more comfortable with Sam, who began to rant, "What was _that _all about? 'I was okay until _you _showed up'? Huh? That's so…"

"Off?" Leah supplied.

"What's up with your boyfriend, Leah?" Sam asked, demandingly.

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"You've liked him for three years, right?"

"So have half the girls in the US alone."

"Ugh." Sam moaned, annoyed, "Whatever. So what happened?"

"What do you mean?" Leah asked.

"Well, I heard you scream and stuff. Did he try to rape you or something?"

"SAM!" Leah squealed, mortified.

"Well, he is, like, five years older than you!"

"Sam, do you hear yourself talking, or is it just a buzzing in your ears?" Leah accused.

"Fine, fine. Just tell me what _really _happened." Sam sat down on a bench, and Leah followed.

"Well," Leah began, "I was running and I sort of bumped into him."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute! What were you running from? What was so scary? A bear? A bat? Quentin Tarantino gnawing off Miley Cyrus's ear?" Sam guessed.

"What? No! I'm just a little scared of the dark forest, that's all. Moving on. So I ran into him and we ended up on the ground-"

"Kissing?"

"Sam, shut up. So we fell and I was all like, 'Sorry' and he was all like, 'ok' and I made a joke and he laughed and everything was fine." Leah rambled.

"Wait. This is all part of that master plan you mapped out!"

"Huh?"

"Three years ago you mapped out a master plan to kidnap Orlando Bloom and hold him hostage and use his money to buy and devour delicious frozen beverages!"

There was silence. A cricket chirped.

Leah nodded, "That was a very good plan, wasn't it?"

"I like the part with the panda."

Leah shook her head, "Back to reality. So I made the joke and he laughed and we walked a bit and then suddenly he's all angsty and cold!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! 'I hate you' and that sort of thing!" Leah pouted. "I don't know what I did."

They sat in silence for a moment. Sam then snapped her fingers and said, "I know who provoked all this badass sexy angstyness! It's all because of you-know-who!"

Leah looked at her blankly. "Voldemort? Why the crap would this have anything to do with-"

"No! No!" Sam interrupted, "_Elizabeth Swan!"_

Leah thought for a moment and then slapped a hand against her forehead. "Oh no, you're right!"

"Yaay! I'm right!"

"No, not 'yay'! I did a very bad thing!" Leah muttered.

"Which was?"

"I think I must've accidentally flirted with him!"

"Ooh, smexy pirate love! I like it!" Sam teased.

"I mean I didn't _really, _just the equivalent."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, social laws of that time period were different! What I'm wearing now would be underwear! Not to mention people don't _normally _go like this!" Leah put her face right in front of Sam's, who looked surprised.

Leah groaned and put her head in her hands. "Do I not learn _anything_ from fanfiction! Messing up in the character's love lives always ruins the relationship. And I don't like Elizabeth or anything but he still loves her!"

The conversation seemed to end there, until Sam put a comforting hand on Leah's shoulder.

"We'll just take everything as it comes. If he turns into some annoying jerk because he doesn't have his love life in order, then fine! Eventually he'll go back to the movie, right? And if you turn into some Mary Sue, I'll gladly drag you back to the real world. Besides, you _are_ dealing with a _guy _here. They take time, money, and grooming. And they're not very smart."

Leah smiled. "It's no use bashing a pirate. They're smarter than they look."

Sam grinned. "He's a blacksmith."

And they laughed.

Sam almost didn't see a flash of brown as it flashed along the forest, but she saw it just in time.

And she and Leah, troubles gone, ran after the squealing monkey and it's small black and white pursuer.

**I think we found Jack the Monkey! and Waldo! YAAAY! **

**Also, this chapter featured the two sca****riest people I have ever seen in my entire life: Miley Cyrus and Quentin Tarantino!**

**(Don't think I don't like either of these people, because I obviously don't know either of them very well, but honestly they both scare the living daylights out of me!)**

**Please Review!- A writer needs food too!**

**(Think of it this way: every review is like a cookie to me. If you don't review, you are denying me a cookie... PLEASE GIVE ME COOKIES!)**

**-cookiemonster101**

**I MEAN**

**-F8WUZL8**


	13. Chapter 12

**Alright, F8tey. You've had your rest. You've read your books and done your schoolwork, worked on original projects and novels, and you have a rather normal weekend ahead of you. It's time to start hacking away at another chapter!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 12

Leah

Time passed quickly after saving the Monkey from the evil clutches of Waldo. Everyone got into the steady rhythm of things. Breakfast, swordplay, rest, lunch, maybe some shopping or some kind of afternoon activity, dinner, and, finally, talking. Talking was what my friends and I dreaded, and the pirates revered. Talking was pretty much a set time of day where my guests were allowed to grill me about things in our modern world, and one of us normal people had to explain supermarkets, politics, or the all important question of how to hold your pizza (See- funny story there… Jack holds it the normal style, Anamaria folds hers the New York way, and Barbossa daintily uses a fork and knife. Go figure.)

Anyway, it was about 8:00 on Thursday night, the beginning of "TalkTime", and I could tell Julie was becoming agitated. She fidgeted in her seat, her eye twitched spasmodically, and I was beginning to think that maybe Waldo had gotten to her. Of course, I knew the reason for her anxiety. She was throwing a masquerade ball tomorrow.

She had gotten Jeremy to do his techy tricks so that she could call everyone with one recorded message. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Melissa's crew, the goth kids, the track team, the nerds… well, you get the picture. Earlier this week I had felt a bit sorry for Julie, and I asked her if she needed any specific help from me. She pondered for a moment. And then her entire face lit up and she squealed- "You mean we can have the party here? At your house? REALLY? Thanks so much, Leah!" And as I tried to scrape my jaw off the floor, she dashed off.

Needless to say, I don't feel sorry for Julie anymore.

I drifted back out of my thoughts as Mark and Brett began to explain American Currency. We were all seated in a circle of chairs, the pirates on one side and us on the other. Jack was spinning in a swivel chair, Barbossa was hypnotically stroking Jack (The monkey! Not… oh nevermind.), the rest of them were listening intently. That is, except Will.

Sigh. Why did they have to come out at the end of Dead Man's Chest? I mean, what are the chances of that? That they come out of the movie at the exact time that no one's fun anymore. No more jokes, no more happiness, everyone was in mourning for Jack when suddenly they're kicked out of Kansas and land way, way, way over the rainbow.

Of course, everyone's fine with that now. I mean, Jack is sitting right next to them! But Will, well, he had other problems than to worry about the beloved Captain- he was betrayed by his own beloved.

Enter Teenage Angst-Fest. _(Come, one and all to the Teenage Angst-Fest! Bring the angsty teenager of your life for an exciting day of betrayal, emo-ness, and reclusive behavior! We say tickets cost more at the gate, but they actually cost more online, so when you show up and realize you spent more money, you feel even worse! Yaaay!_)

Anyway, Will had been brooding for a few days now, and it was getting on my nerves. I mean, when Geoffrey broke up with me in the 6th grade, I only cried for a day. (Then again, I wasn't about to marry him. So I guess its all relative. That was a bad relationship, anyway. He kept eating my French fries at lunch.)

I looked to Will. He was staring at the lamp, the equivalent to a fire, I suppose, except it was the summer and a fire would be entirely unconventional. The light danced across his features, illuminating half of his face, leaving the rest shadowed in darkness, lips pursed in frustration. His eyes gleamed with an intensity I could never match- he lived in the 18th century, his life was filled with huge ups and downs, excitement lurked around every corner, and there was never safety. I, however, lived in the 21st century. The most exciting thing to happen to me was to get an A on a final exam. The most horrible thing to happen to me was when my cat died. My life paled in comparison.

I wanted to scream.

"Guys," I interrupted their conversation on the Dollar, I needed a distraction. "Let's figure out how tomorrow's going to work. I mean, with the party and all."

"Brett and I are gonna set up the house." Julie said. "You all should go shopping or something. Stay out of our way."

Sam spoke, "We'll buy our masks."

Julie grinned, "Bring me a blue one!"

"I'll see what I can do."

…

The conversation continued for awhile, and I believe at some point I must've given up and fallen asleep because I woke up to someone poking my shoulder.

"Miss?" It was Jack. "You might want to go to your bed- that chair looks terribly uncomfortable." I could hear feet climbing up the stairs, apparently only Jack had the courtesy to wake me up. I sighed as I opened my eyes.

"Yeah, I should. Thanks for waking me up."

"My pleasure." He held out a hand, which I took, and helped me out of the chair. I yawned into my wrist as I stumbled up the stairs, it must've been past midnight but my sight was blurry and I couldn't make out the clock.

"Hey, Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"You're pretty gentlemanly for a pirate. I guess that's why Julie likes you so much."

He raised an eyebrow, but I was too exhausted to remember that I wasn't supposed to tell him that. I didn't care- I had enough problems to deal with. "G'night." I mumbled as I walked into my room. I didn't hear his response; I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

…

The hustle and bustle of the morning began without delay. After scarfing down some eggs, Julie and Brett shoved the rest of us out of the house before 9:00. With a groan, I began to lay out plans. Sam and Mark would head out with Will, Anamaria, Tia Dalma, and Gibbs. They would go to Party City and snag any missing decorations. Meanwhile Jeremy, Jack, Barbossa, Norrington, and I would go get masks for everyone.

Jeremy drove, and Norrington took shotgun because he gets carsick. I'm the smallest, so I got the middle seat in the back, and we were able to snugly fit.

For those of you who haven't been through this, that car ride was the single most unsettling fifteen minutes of my entire life. There I am, squished senseless. On my right is the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate lord of the Caribbean. The same person who drinks himself mad, sacked Nassau Port without firing a single shot, and knows how to wield a sword. On my left was Hector Barbossa, another Pirate lord of the Caribbean. The same person who was brought back from the dead, most likely rapes girls my age, and also knows how to wield a sword. Oh yea, and they're enemies.

Good fun.

Fortunately, neither of them exercised their sword-wielding abilities on the ride there, and I was not decapitated, so I guess my fears were wrong. Yay for me.

Now, we finally arrived at the Mall, and as we tumbled out of the car, Jack proudly announced, "I'm hungry."

I rolled my eyes, "We just had breakfast."

"You just had breakfast. I, however, was a sleep in my uncomfortable mattress-bed, and NO ONE thought to wake me." He glared at Barbossa.

Barbossa held up his hands in defense, "It's not my responsibility to wake you."

Jack frowned. "In any case, my stomach is without nutrition, and there is food in this mall to be eaten."

"We'll stop at Starbucks." I assured him.

A few minutes later we were in Starbucks, and the pirates were looking around the room. It was normal, I guess. Tones of green and brown and yellow, and soft lighting, and the smell of coffee.

Jack looked unimpressed, "_This_ is _Starbucks?_"

Jeremy grinned, "Well, there's nothing like a nice cup of coffee, eh?"

As we headed up to the counter, I sang under my breath, "_No there's nothing like coffee…_"

Jeremy ordered, "I'd like a Grande Caffé Mocha, please."

The lady behind the counter smiled and nodded and wrote it down on the cup.

I ordered a Vanilla Bean Frappacino.

I raised an eyebrow as Jack stepped up to the counter with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He slammed a fist on the counter in emphasis, "I want a big barrel of RUM!"

The entire café stopped and stared at him, and the lady stuttered, "I- um, I'm sorry, uh… sir, we don't serve alcohol here."

Jacks entire face fell, and like a child, he pouted. I clapped a hand on his back, "It's ok, they would card you, anyway." I told him, but my shot at humor went way over his head, and he changed his order to match Jeremy's.

Barbossa looked at the menu and sighed. He looked at the lady and asked, "Do you have any apples?"

"Uh, we have fruit salad."

"That'll have to do." He said as he grabbed the container of fruit salad.

Norrington looked enviously on as I slurped my Frappacino, and turned back to the lady. "Can I have some tea? But with some of that white stuff on top?" He made a twirling motion with his finger.

The lady looked at him like he was insane. "You want tea with whipped cream on top?"

He nodded excitedly. The lady rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You're total is $14.92."

Jeremy paid as I sat down with the pirates. "So, what color masks do you guys think we should get for everyone? What color do you want, Jack?"

"The color of the sea!" He grinned and leaned back in his chair, which tottered on its back legs.

"How poetic." Barbossa muttered sarcastically.

Jeremy and I looked at each other, and then back at Jack, and I said, "You'll have to be a bit more specific, Jack."

His chair suddenly clattered to the floor, and he fell with it (hitting his head hard on the stone floor. He got up as fast as he fell, mostly unscathed except he looked a bit more loopy than usual, gaining more curious glances from around the Café. Too much attention… we better leave.

I got us out of the café pretty quickly, and before long we made our way to the smallest and most overlooked shop in the entire mall, the Masquerade Emporium.

…

(3rd POV)

Will stayed at the back of the group, careful to stay close enough not to get lost, but far enough away so no one would try to force a conversation out of him. Sam and Mark were leading them around the store, Party City.

It was a gigantic, cluttered store. The floor was covered in fallen decorations and gruesome plastic masks and items, the walls were lined with fake weapons and make-up kits. Every once in awhile, everyone would jump as yet another balloon exploded.

Will's eyes were downcast. The only emotion he could recall feeling in the past few days was anger. It clogged his head and blurred his eyesight, and the worst part of it all was that he couldn't express his anger.

He was angry at Elizabeth- she had betrayed him. They had been best friends since they were twelve, and there was a sense of devotion in their relationship as they became engaged and then they almost married. But then she decides to go gallivanting after some pirate like a common whore. And not just any pirate, but Captain Jack Sparrow, the man who Will, to his utter shame, could never measure up against.

And then he was angry at Jack. The man he had trusted with his life, and yet Jack had sent him off to Davy Jones's ship to settle Jacks debt. Surely his former friend would have realized how much he would suffer aboard that ship… or maybe he just wouldn't care. And then Jack had stolen his fiancé from him.

Will was also angry at Leah. That night… that night she had grabbed his heart, twisted it around, tied a knot in it, and ran away with it. Well… not really, but metaphorically. And now he wanted to kill her… or kiss her…

He slapped himself in the forehead, trying to get rid of unwanted thoughts, and gained a few strange looks from the other customers.

The worst part of it all was he couldn't stay mad at Elizabeth, Jack, or Leah. He couldn't stay mad at Elizabeth, because he still loved her.

He couldn't stay mad at Jack because he hadn't yet figured which one of them owed the other for saving the other's life, as it had happened so many times both had lost count.

And he couldn't stay mad at Leah because how ever much they hated it, everyone was dependent on her. She fed them, kept them together, provided them with clothes, and allowed them to stay in her home. She was a good person, and whatever personal issues Will had with her couldn't influence his usual etiquette or respect, because then he would be in the wrong.

At least it sort of made sense in his head.

"You're troubled." Tia Dalma said to him. It was more an accusation than a question.

"Look, I know you think your some kind of Goddess or something, but that doesn't give you reason to go about in other people's business." He refused to meet her gaze, partly to make a point, but mostly because he was afraid that if he did, she would work her magic on him, and this time Jack wasn't around to save him.

"Ah, dear William," She pronounced his name in the funny way that she did, "I _am_ a Goddess. And part of my job is to sooth suffering pirates." Her smooth voice trapped the words and cradled them.

They continued walking through the store, and he tried to keep on the air of normalcy that the teenage hosts had told them all about. "Please leave me alone." he begged her.

Tia Dalma frowned, made some kind of decision, and walked forward to the rest of the group. Will had a feeling that interaction wasn't quite over yet. He silently wished it was.

...

When all had returned to Leah's house, all hell broke loose. Everyone was fighting over masks or decorations or even dance moves. Everyone... being the six teenagers. The pirates only watched in awe as the girls began pulling out each other's hair and the guys began exchanging banter, until finally Leah noticed and the fighting died down. Embarassed, she looked at the pirates like a child caught fighting (in essence, that's what she was) and muttered, "I want a green one."

Splitting the masks up into boy and girl masks, the girls all went to Leah's room to get dressed, and the boys went up to the room the Jack and Will were in (in which Brett explained the concept of a sleeping bag).

When the first guests showed, the girls exited their room and answered the door, letting in a whole group of girls who they easily merged with. All were wearing masks and dresses and in the low light it was hard to tell everyone apart, which made the whole thing more exciting. The guys came down shortly after, just as the football team arrived, and all was running smoothly.

Though none of them knew it, the party was about to take an epic, unpredictable, and inevitable turn for the worse.

**Oooh, suspense! Ok so, for the record, I have had the chapter after this planned since I began this fanfic. No joke. So... be excited. And terrified ;)**

**What do YOU think is going to happen? (you'll most likely be wrong, but I'll give you a virtual cookie if you try!)**

**~F8tey**


	14. Chapter 13

**Yes my friends, it's been awhile. I have so many writings going on right now. But I wont complain to you guys, you want to read, don't you? SO here it is! The Ball! I hope I surprise you!**

**Please review!**

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 13

The Masquerade Ball

By now it seemed like millions of years had passed, but Jack was legitimately sick with longing for some soothing rum or wine, so finally he had to dig up some unpleasant memories to see how he last got out of an alcohol-free situation.

He was sitting on a couch, a masked young lady with a fruit drink to his right, and a young burly man dancing to the music like a pigeon on his left. The lights were dim and the music was loud, but Jack couldn't stand it. He had spent almost an entire two weeks without rum, and by now he was at an explosive point.

So he thought and he thought, scratching his beard and scrunching up his eyebrows in what he assumed to be the correct facial expression for someone thinking as hard as him. And then, poof! He remembered way back to when he first met Tia Dalma. His thoughts narrated a little something like this-

_I was a strapping young lad, then. I went up to her shack with the purpose of finding a good drink. Woozy and excited, my incredibly handsome face had a look of confusion when I cleverly discovered that the shack was in fact a witch's lair. She peered up at me though thick layers of matted hair and dreadlocks, and asked me, "What do you seeeeek?"_

_She spoke funny._

_"Well, pretty damsel," I grinned at her, showing off my beautiful teeth and waving around my pretty hair, "I was wondering if you had any rum... and if you do, maybe I could cozy up a bit and share it with you." I winked at her._

_"I do not have rum-"_

_I shrugged. "Well, see ya!" and I began to walk out the door._

_"Waaaait! I have something better than rum."_

_I glanced at her with an eyebrow raised, "Ma'am, NOTHING is better than rum-" She shoved a small, shiny vial in front of my tanned face, "Oooh, pretty!" I exclaimed, and then grabbed the vial and went on my merry way._

Okay, well maybe it didn't quite go like that. Since then, Jack had discovered that a drop of the liquid in this vial could turn any drink into alcohol. It was fantastic. He could scoop a barrel of water out of the sea and pour some magic liquid into it and bam! It was rum. Of course it still tasted and looked like sea water, but drinking it, he could get so drunk he passed out.

Jack looked at pigeon-boy and then the lady with the drink... the drink...

PUNCH! That was the solution, punch! Jack could pour the vial into the punch bowl and then- Oh this was such a good plan! So good, that he put it into action right away!

Meanwhile, a dark-skinned lady with a deep purple mask dotted with black rhinestones walked up to the drinks table. Among the many soda cans and the ice box lay a large plastic bowl. Inside this bowl was some vampiric concoction that these kids called fruit punch. She pulled a vial of clear liquid out from behind her, and thought a moment.

This potion was incredibly dangerous. A love potion is always dangerous, but this one was incredibly potent.

She glanced up at the boy in the white mask, frowning and leaning against a wall on the side of the room, other boys walking past him like he was invisible and girls teasing him about his boring mask. His deep blue eyes darted around the room like he was looking for someone.

Tia Dalma looked back down at the vial. It was strong, yes, and it had many side effects, and it couldn't be mixed with Alcohol (but there was no alcohol at this party.). And the chances of her plan working at all were very slim. But if she could help that kid, it'd be all worth it. Her supernatural duty would be fulfilled.

The liquid dripped down into the bowl, and with it destiny was sealed.

"Hey, can I have some of that?" A man in a dark blue mask grabbed the ladle and poured himself a cup of the now-tainted punch.

* * *

_Leah_

My throat felt incredibly dry and scratchy as I hung out with Julie and watched people dance. She was really proud of herself for throwing this ball but I don't think she was happy about the fact she wasn't dancing. Julie had given herself a strict rule at the Ball that she couldn't dance unless a boy asked her, just to see what would happen, but so far no one had asked her and she was sinking fast.

She might've hinted for Brett to ask her, but she couldn't find Brett because he was wearing a mask and all the boys looked the same. So she just sat next to me and pouted.

And I was really thirsty and uncomfortable and would've gone to get a drink if my friend's self-esteem had not been deteriorating before my eyes.

I wasn't exaggerating when I said all the boys looked the same. Everyone sort of... blended. The only real character I could see was Jack, whose dancing skills weren't quite up to par and he was thrashing around on the dance floor more than anything else. I did note that a cute guy in a white mask was acting aloof in the corner, but then there was also an equally cute guy in a silver mask hovering around the drink table and sipping punch.

It took me a few minutes to realize this, but Jack had come over and asked Julie to teach him how to dance, and she enthusiastically obliged, so with my new-found freedom I dashed over to the drinks table and downed some punch.

* * *

Julie looked up at his mask, a gleam in her eyes. He grinned lopsided at her and, as a clear circle of kids gathered around them, turned away. She did the same. They had been working on the footwork for a few minutes, but now she thought they had it right. She took another sip of her sixth cup of punch before setting it on the ground and motioning to the guy at the laptop to start the song.

Adrenaline pumped through her veins and her heart beat erratically.

The split second the music started, she and Jack whipped around to face each other, and his red mask glinted in the light.

_I've had a little bit too much..._

The people around her started to rush as she spun, the lights blurring and the music pumping into her ears. The whole thing was kind of crazy and psychedelic, and she grinned as he twisted and danced on the floor, too. He was a fast learner, she supposed, and his body moved like any modern professional dancer. Or maybe it only seemed that way. She could only think about how this song was such a rush!

Suddenly, in the middle of a fist punch she felt woozy, and the lights swirled even though she wasn't spinning. Or maybe she was? Calm down, she thought to herself. Keep it cool...

_Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?_  
_I can't remember but it's alright, alright,_  
_Just Dance!_

It wasn't until the second verse that Julie really began to feel weak at the knees, but she kept dancing, because she knew Melissa was watching her, judging her. She had to keep it going. Also, Jack was in his zone, and she couldn't mess him up. This was a coupled dance and she wanted to hold up to her part.

_Roses have thorns they say..._

She could hold it up until they got to his solo, but after that she wasn't sure. Finally they got to the turn in the song, and her fear changed to elation and excitement as she caught up with her dazzled brain and clapped to the music, as Jack showed everyone what exactly feet were made for.

_Shawty, I can see that you got so much energy,_  
_The way you're twirlin up them hips 'round and 'round_  
_And now there's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me,_  
_In the meantime stay and let me watch you break it down._

She joined back in immediately, and the clappiing continued as everyone who couldn't dance sang at the top of their lungs. Julie was lost in the beat of the music and the blurs of her mind, her insane giddiness almost affecting her feet. Finally the song was almost over.

_Just dance, gonna be okay_  
_Da da doo doot-n_  
_Just dance, spin that record babe_  
_Da da doo doot-n_

She was ready for the final move. Jack grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in, and in a swooping dip, she finally lost control. Her face heated up, and to many people's utter astonishment, she fainted. In his arms.

_Just dance, gonna be okay,_  
_D-d-d-dance, dance, dance, just_  
_J-j-just dance!_

* * *

Brett frowned as Julie took another swig from the tacky plastic cup in her hand. She was sitting now, on the couch on the far side of the room. When Jack woke her, she mumbled something about the lights, and he picked her up and sat her on the couch, handing her the cup. It bothered Brett, that Julie had fainted and yet she brushed it off as no big deal. Her face was lit up like a stop sign, under her shiny pink mask that she refused to take from her head. ("I don't want to reveal my identity.") She was acting strange, and Brett almost insisted he drive her home, but she had glared at him defensively. "Jack's taking good care of me. I feel great. Stop worrying, go away."

Julie could be so stubborn sometimes. Too stubborn for her own good.

Brett had taken the last part, the "go away" part of their conversation, to heart. He walked across the room and back to the drink table. He felt a little lightheaded and didn't really want any sour punch, so he slipped a plastic cup out from the stack and walked over to the refrigerator, and poured some water from the dispenser on the door. Sipping it, his head ringing from the blasted Gaga, he climbed the staircase into the quieter areas of the house. He didn't know if walking into the rooms upstairs was trespassing or anything, he just really wanted some quiet.

He lay down on the first bed he found, shoving his head under the pillow and trying to dissipate his headache. He had no intention of listening to the music anymore. He felt sick. Feverish.

The bubble of silence trapped in the room escaped a little when the door swung open, and light footsteps alerted him to a girl entering the room. "Julie?" he mumbled into the pillow.

The door shut again, closing off the sound and allowing Brett to register the heavy breathing right near his ear. If he were less sick, maybe he would've jumped up, startled, but all Brett could manage was to tense up as a smooth hand crept up his steaming back and finally latched onto his shirt collar. An almost silent voice whispered to him, "I knew I'd find you here..."

Melissa.

* * *

_Leah_

I had long since sunk into the comfortable confines of the smushy couch, most of my body shoved between the cushions and the pillows. The party had been passing by well, aside from the occasional lapse in dancing because my iPod had shuffled in a ridiculously un-danceable song, but other than that, nothing horrible had happened. Which was a surprise. Parties at my house rarely go by so uneventfully.

Julie had been sitting next to me for awhile, going on and on about how blue really is my color and how she had the perfect cologne to make cows smell better. No, don't look at me weird like that, I have no idea what she meant either. Anyway, she wandered off, and I sat for awhile, bobbing my head to the music and glancing around with an out-of-body curiosity. I did this sometimes, just allowing my mind to drift off into a sense of wonder as I look around at the pretty lights and sounds. Or at least, I thought I did this often. My mind felt kind of muddy.

I took another sip from my cup of punch as a boy sat down next to me. The cute guy in the silver mask from before. I didn't know who he was. He looked flushed, his intense brown eyes glancing at me playfully from under the mask. "Would you like another drink?" Something about his voice and the way he talked seemed familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I told you my brain felt muddy.

"I'd love some water, actually, if you don't mind."

"Sure." The way he immediately knew to go to the fridge might've tipped me off, or even the way he walked, so sure-footed. But his name and identity escaped my mind, and I finally just decided to ask him.

He returned with a cool cup of water and a grin, and I was about to ask his name when all of a sudden a bemused expression crossed his face. His eyes slid across my face, "You look really hot."

I bit my bottom lip and resisted the urge to twirl a finger around my hair, "Thanks,"

He blushed scarlet, "No, no, I mean, uh... you do look really, really pretty, but I was talking about your forehead." He looked around at the ignorant party-goers before carefully laying the back of his hand on my forehead, and I flinched- his hands were bitter cold and I was startled.

I smirked up at him, "What, are you going to tell me I'm burning up? Because it's probably just the room. It's hot in here."

"That's why I'm taking you outside." I hadn't noticed we were on the move until he said this. Apparently, he really knew his way around here, because with the same sure-footing as before he lead me onto the porch into the cool summer night. It was like being underwater, the minute that door closed behind us the temperature was more pleasant, the crowding less apparent, and the sound muted.

"Well this is nice."

* * *

Mark had never been the brightest. His instincts had always told him that he should always just drink from soda cans on the off chance that someone dropped some Ketamine in the punch. And yet he also wasn't one to trust instincts.

That might have something to do with the fact that Mark was now kissing the porcelain God in the upstairs of Leah's house.

"Uuuugh..." He looked out the bathroom door, choosing to study the various posters and pictures scattered around Leah's walls- Pirates, pirates, and more pirates- before the next bout of nausea announced itself.

He flushed the toilet again and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to the tile floor. What the hell had he done to deserve this? Was it some kind of stomach virus...? Or... no, it was probably the punch. He'd been drinking that punch since five-thirty that night, and now it was near midnight. Thirty glasses and three trips to the bathroom later, he was again stuck in the bathroom- but for a different reason. To vomit.

"Mark?"

He felt his miserable self perk up at the sound of Sam's voice- or maybe that was his lunch flipping. "I'm in here." he announced in as loud a voice he could manage. Sam entered his tunnel of vision and frowned.

"You're green."

"You're slow."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Darn. Mark loved making her uncomfortable and angry because it was cute and entertaining when she started picking on him, but when she was serious like this, he became the one feeling uncomfortable.

She entered the bathroom, kneeling on the floor in front of him and placing a palm on his forehead. "You're hot."

"That's hardly relevant, babe."

"Shut up, I think you're actually sick."

"Naw, really? I never would've guessed. It's not like I've been puking my guts out for an hour..."

Sam bit her bottom lip. "I don't know anything about vomit, believe it or not. I can't help."

"Go find someone who can." Sam's eyes widened as Mark said this- she hadn't expected the condescending tone to ever leave his voice, but it had when he said that. He was desperate.

Sam was gone, and Mark sighed and leaned over the toilet once more.

* * *

Anamaria didn't know much about sailing, but she knew a lot about boats. She didn't know much about getting drunk, but she did know about rum. And she wasn't sure she completely understood love, but heartbreak wasn't very foreign.

Not that she was suffering from heartbreak. Of course not.

And her heart didn't feel like it was being crushed every time Jack touched Julie.

And her breath didn't hitch when the pirate passed her, Julie in his arms.

And she didn't cry. Not at all. Because that wasn't something Anamaria, the feisty ship-selling pirate lass, did.

Never.

"You okay?"

It was a boy in a white mask, his timid voice indicating he was most likely intimidated by her. Meaning he knew what she was capable of. Meaning he knew she was a pirate. Meaning he was one of Leah's friends. Gods, did she love escapism.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"You seem a bit shaken up."

"I'm fine." Her response was a bit too fast, her voice quivered, either one of these could have alerted this boy to the fact that sentence was a lie. But Anamaria had a feeling he just knew.

He sat down on the bed next to her, and Anamaria realized they were in the room designated for her and Tia Dalma. Of course. How had she gotten up here?

She had probably run.

The boy took off his pearl mask and ran a hand through his short hair, spiked with sweat from... dancing? No, she hadn't seen him dancing. Maybe it was just the heat of the other kids dancing.

"You're not okay," She realized out loud. She could tell because his eyes and nose were red. Not from crying, she understood. From not crying.

"Leah is crushing over Will."

"Turner?"

"No some other fictional man at this party by the name of 'Will'- of course Turner!"

She frowned. Anamaria would much rather douse herself in Jeremy's problems than her own. "There's no way you can be sure of that."

"They went on the porch together. He's probably shoving his tongue down her throat about now."

Hmmm... That was a problem. "And you love her?" She asked the boy.

"Love is a strong word. Like, maybe." Jeremy frowned. "I've liked her since first grade."

Anamaria glanced at him from behind her hair.

"Since I was six."

"That's a long time, mate."

He grinned. "Yeah."

She lay back on the bed, rested her head on the pillow with her hands behind her head. He almost laughed, she acted so much like a boy. He half-expected her to have hairy armpits- but no. Anamaria may have been a pirate, but only in mannerisms. She was a girl.

"So that Leah girl likes Will more than you?"

"Uh-huh."

Anamaria sat back up- she was a bit fidgety and couldn't stay in the same position for long. "I can't well blame her. That William is tall, very handsome, speaks properly, and is naive- it's adorable. He's all of these things, and he knows how to wield a sword."

"You're not helping much at all."

"Well, you and him are in pretty much the same boat. He "liked" Elizabeth since a very young age, and they were engaged, and then she goes and kisses another man. So he is immensely confused, and then he finds himself attracted to a different girl. Similar to you, now."

Jeremy, who had been staring at his shoes for the past monologue, froze at this, and glanced behind him at Anamaria. "You're confused. I don't like you. I like Leah."

Anamaria stared at him, wide-eyed. "Right- that's what I meant..." She hadn't been talking to Jeremy, she realized. She had been talking to herself.

The Pirate Lass's mind was suddenly filled with a string of pirate-worthy curses.

* * *

_Leah_

I really wanted to have some kind of relationship with silver-mask guy. And not because he was hot, and not because I really liked him or anything. I was just desperate. And jealous.

No, I wasn't jealous of silver-mask guy, nor his girlfriend (because no one as gorgeous as silver-mask guy _doesn't_ have a girlfriend.) No, I was jealous of Julie. Just a little bit.

I was just a little bit jealous of the fact that all the boys liked her. She had Brett wrapped around her finger, Jack as her dance partner, and had the opportunity to date any guy in school. So I had a right to be a little bit jealous... or maybe that was just the punch talking. I had a feeling something was wrong with the punch- a feeling that I intended to prove or disprove by drinking another cup.

Anyway, silver-mask guy seemed equally desperate. Not that he revealed it in his words. He more revealed it in his lips when he kissed me-

I'm getting ahead of myself.

So we hung out on the porch for awhile, and he stared at me. I glanced back once or twice, and found that I liked the feeling of his gaze on me, whereas it would normally creep me out. "So..."

"There's something about you that reminds me of someone..."

Well that was unexpected.

"Who?" I asked him. Any other boy might've said some lame pick-up line like, "You have a striking resemblance to [insert beautiful girl here]." but silver-mask guy didn't intend for it to be a pick-up line. I could tell because he put a finger to his lips and exclaimed "I'm not sure..."

"Someone pretty, I hope."

"Someone beautiful." he assured me.

I picked up my long-empty cup, "Well then, cheers."

"To?"

"Forgetting."

That was the punch talking, I was sure of it.

* * *

Go away, damn it! DAMN IT! Brett couldn't breathe when he felt her hands on him, her fingers delicately lifting him, turning him over so that his sweat drenched head rested on top of the pillow, and the front of his shoulders under her heated palms.

"Melissa-"

"Shh..." Her finger delicately brushed over his lips indicating for him to be quiet, but he ignored it.

"I'm sorry, Lissie, but you have-" His eyes widened as her hand clamped firmly over his mouth. Then he saw-her eyes.

"You've been with that bitch, Julie, for way too long." Her voice was hollow and breath-y, her frenzied eyes honestly scaring him. "And you and I both know that she's not enough for you."

Her fingers slid down from his face and to his arms, all the while holding his wide eyes hostage. "She's an airheaded ditz who doesn't give you what I did... do..."

She frowned and sighed, putting her forehead to his and speaking lowly, nuzzling his neck like a hungry lioness and making sounds that Brett struggled to make sense of, "So here's whats going to happen: you and I are going to tango, and then... mmm... then we're just going to have to break up with her, aren't we?"

He couldn't summon the strength to push her off- he was so, so tired.

She pulled down the switch on the bedside lamp. "That's what I thought."

* * *

It was painfully obvious to Jeremy that this pirate needed some comforting, right now. She needed to be held. She needed Jeremy.

So... why, exactly, was he on the other side of the bed, putting as much space as possible between them?

This was going to be his only chance with a girl ever, wasn't it?

Oh, the universe hated him.

"I'm sorry if I offended you." Jeremy murmured. He was sitting on the very corner of the bed because Anamaria was on the other side and he didn't want to look at her. The only light was coming from the bedside lamps, and he suddenly felt incredibly awkward, because it was practically romantic lighting.

"Not your fault." She said. She didn't mumble it, she said it quite clearly and precisely and it seemed like she so wanted to mumble but she needed to stay strong in front of... Jeremy? Or herself?

They were both lost.

Music filtered up from the party, but Jeremy couldn't place it.

"What the hell."

He put his arm around her shoulders, buried his face in her hair, and allowed her to lean into his body. He tried not to think about how this smooth, black hair was definitely not Leah's.

* * *

"Alright, lad, lean into it. It'll burn your throat but we have water for you." Gibbs' rough voice echoed in the bathroom.

It reminded Mark of the way Morgan Freeman could say anything and make it sound soothing. Gibbs could say anything and make it sound awesome. Even barfing. Or perhaps Mark was delusional.

Sam's hand was on his back, rubbing around his arched spine as he gagged into the toilet bowl. Her hand was cold, or maybe his back was warm. The room was spinning a bit, and he wondered if maybe he had a stomach virus.

"There you go. lad."

His throat was on fire.

There were suddenly cool lips on his forehead, accompanying the soothing voice that then reached his ears, "Mark, you'll be alright."

First he realized that Sam had just been nice to him. Then he realized that he liked the feeling of her hand running up and down his back.

Then, thoroughly exhausted and done upchucking, he fainted, and right before he fell unconscious he felt Sam catch him.

* * *

**Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water**  
**Jack fell down and broke his crown**  
**And Jill came tumbling after.**  
**Up got Jack, and home did trot**  
**As fast as he could caper**  
**He went to bed and bound his head**  
**With vinegar and brown paper.**

"Lass, did you ever look up at the night sky and wonder if you could reach up and touch the stars?"

"Can't. The atmosphere would get in the way."

"The what now?"

"Nevermind. Hey," Julie sat up. She had been sitting on Jack's lap, they were swinging on a chair-swing in the back of the house, staring up, the stars a bit distorted from excessive alcohol intake. Julie propped herself up with her elbows digging into his broad chest, "You bring any more punch outside?"

"Sorry, Lassie, but this lot's for me." He gestured wildly to the various cups of punch on the patio.

Julie rolled her eyes and grabbed one, downing it, and enjoying the feeling of fizz in her throat. She let out a burp. Jack laughed, his laugh was long and shook his whole body, and Julie's as well because she was draped on top of him. She liked it, it made her stomach feel good.

Julie laid back down on top of him, and Jack wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"You know, you remind me of a beautiful lady I once knew. Her name was Giselle."

Julie froze.

"What?" Jack said defensively.

Julie's voice filled empty silence, "Jack, this is wrong. Everyone I know portrays you as some badass half mad hero, who's easy-going way of life leaves him being the most sexy man in the Caribbean. But that's not who you are, is it? You're a liar and a cheat. You treat people the way they want to be treated with no regards to how. You tell people things that make them feel like they're worth something, but what does it mean from a man who's worth nothing at all?"

Her monologue over, she looked back at the surprised pirate, but his eyes were not meeting hers, they were instead focused on her lips.

Then his lips were on her lips, instead.

"Mmm... you know this is illegal?" she mumbled against him.

"Pirate." He offered simply.

* * *

_Leah_

"You seem uneasy." Silver-mask guy murmured, walking towards me. "Is there any way I can help?"

"No, no. I... well, you see..." I stumbled over my words as he stepped even closer. Why did it have to be so unnerving to have him close to me? Surely Julie wouldn't feel this way around an attractive teen. Surely Sam would be able to keep her cool. Why couldn't I? I shifted uncomfortably.

Silver mask guy raised a hand to cup my chin but then paused in the middle, "May I?"

I felt like a princess. One of those Disney princesses that melt in their prince's arms. "No, it's quite alright- I mean..." I couldn't say anything more, my words caught in the knot in my throat. His fingers caressed my cheek, before lifting the mask slowly off of my face.

It clattered to the floor in all of it's plastic glory.

"_Leah?_"

"Wait, _WILL?_"

* * *

**To be continued... R+R!**


End file.
